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Some people say education is the only critical factor to the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people say education is the only critical factor to the development of a country. with this statement? v. 1
One the one hand good education is a highly recommended skill in the developed countries, on the other hand the highest wish of many people in regions of poverty. But what makes education to the key factor for the development of a country? We must acknowledge that education is something that we all need. The differences are just what we learn. Mostly the limited educational horizons of poor and less educated people have more to deal with their personal situation than with problems of the bigger effects on a country. Attending school is sometimes too expensive and it does not feed a family. Nevertheless there must be a reason for education. To me it looks like some countries have realized that Education is the key to the globalization process. If we take India, for example, we can see that a change in the educational system had changed the economy of the country.  The country has changed from a poor region to a high potential aria for IT knowledge. In regard to this fact, it is a must that the Governments of less developed countries take the power of education seriously and offer it to a wide range of people. Spending money for education is the key to a new future effect on the economy and social life. All in all I agree with the importance of education for the development of a country. Less knowledge leads to poverty and not to knowledge that has wide effects. Learning and Knowledge is Power and an investment in the near future and therefore it has to be an official task.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a
highly
recommended
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
on the other hand
 the highest wish of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in regions of poverty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
education to the key factor for the development of a country?

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
acknowledge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is something that we all need. The differences are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
what we learn.
Mostly
the limited educational horizons of poor and less educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more to deal with their personal situation than with problems of the bigger effects on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Attending school is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
too expensive and it does not feed a family.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. To me it looks like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have realized that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is the key to the globalization process. If we take India,
for example
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the educational system had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.  The country has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from a poor region to a high potential aria for IT knowledge.

In regard to this fact, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
of less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
take the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
seriously
and offer it to a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Spending money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the key to a new future effect on the economy and social life.

All in all I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Less knowledge leads to poverty and not to knowledge that has wide effects. Learning and Knowledge is Power and an investment in the near future and
therefore
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be an official task.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say education is the only critical factor to the development of a country. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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