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Some people believe that their children should do educational activities during their Free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that their children should do educational activities during their Free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. v. 2
Education is a key to success in this modern era. A Few individuals assert that youngster use thier leisure time to learn something regarding their studies but, many citizens are totally disagree with this because they think that it will increase the stresses leavel among teenagers. I somehow coincide with the view of spending time with education activities. First of all, Different person's have their own experience and opinions but according to many studies majority of people's judgment reflect that children should do action related to studies in their mean time because it would be helps to gain some knowledge about education. For intance, parents believe that if their child like to play game or puzzle connected to his education. It will give him or hor to increase their general knowledge and vocabulary. Also, these types of puzzle sharp their mind. On the other hand, People who think that it will impact children mental health by increments of stress. Also, Change the behaviour of teenagers. To examplify, study's of Canadian universities showed that students who always have pressure with regards of educations are going in depression day by day. So, that way many people demand that children should do their favourite excuses or activities in their extra time. Furthermore, we can say that in recents time teenagers are involving in many criminal cases because they spend their most of free time on internet. Besides, Internet have huge amount of time after their schools. For example, Internet have planty of violence game or movie which are not allowed for juvenile because it has their bad effects on youths life. That way children have to always do something knowledgeable. On the other side, we have to know that movie, TV shows or game are also important in children's life because it brings happiness and freshness on their faces. To illustrate, it is a undoubtedly that few bad films or games influence youngsters but we can not ignore many others which gives the valuable information and new ideas to students. Tv channels like discovery, Animal Planet or History TV have a great image in youth. At the end, i like to conclude with that each coin has two side but it depends on individuals how they use this it for their own benefit. I think so, Activities should be related the children studies have the significance change in children life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is a key to success in this modern era. A Few individuals assert that youngster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn something regarding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens are
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "disagreed".
disagree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
Possible spelling mistake found.
leavel
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. I somehow coincide with the view of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
activities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
person's have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience and opinions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "studies'" or "study's"?
studies
majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's judgment reflect that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should do action related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in their mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
intance
, parents believe that if their child like to play game or puzzle connected to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. It will give him or
Possible spelling mistake found.
hor
to increase their general knowledge and vocabulary.
Also
, these types of puzzle sharp their mind.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mental health by increments of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, study's of Canadian universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that students who always have pressure
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
are going in depression day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, that way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
demand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should do their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
excuses or activities in their extra time.

Furthermore
, we can say that in
Possible spelling mistake found.
recents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are involving
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminal cases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend their
Consider using "most free" or "most of the free".
most of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on internet.
Besides
, Internet have huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after their schools.
For example
, Internet have
Possible spelling mistake found.
planty
of violence game or movie which are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for juvenile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "youths'" or "youth's"?
youths
life. That way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
always do something knowledgeable. On the other side, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know that movie, TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
or game are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in children's life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings happiness and freshness on their faces. To illustrate, it is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
undoubtedly
that few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
films or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
influence youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others which gives the valuable information and new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to students.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
channels like discovery, Animal Planet or History TV have a great image in youth.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
like
to conclude
with that each coin has two side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it depends on individuals how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this it for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, Activities should
be related
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
have the significance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that their children should do educational activities during their Free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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