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Some people say domestic animals, like cats, should not be reared in cities. Others say that such companion animals are beneficial to the community of a city. Which attitude do you believe to be correct? v.3

Some people say domestic animals, like cats, should not be reared in cities. Others say that such companion animals are beneficial to the community of a city. Which attitude do you believe to be correct? v. 3
We are living in a capitalist world where we sell a third of our days in order to live during the rest. It is suggested by psychology coteries that we are lonelier than ever and as a result of this, depression is now at unprecedented levels. As social creatures we need companions, however, it is now unarguably hard to find time to spend for our relationships - and even worse for ourselves. In my opinion, this is the main reason for people to have pets since they don't judge you for not allotting time for them; all you need to do is to feed and fondle them. However, some people believe that confining pets within walls is wrong and they should not be kept in houses. My personal view is that they are extremely beneficial especially to who live alone. First of all, as I stated previously, we are spending our times mostly at our jobs and we don't even have enough time for ourselves let alone our friends. Many people have hard times to maintain their relationships and friendships. As a corollary of this, we are now more alone. It is a known fact that lonely people are more prone to depression and suicidal thoughts. I feel that having a pet which can sit on your legs and let you fondle itself can disperse all negative feelings. Secondly, taking a responsibility of someone or something matures people. You simply have something to care for and live for. In addition, pets can also replace the babies for those who cannot have one. Therefore, they can also satiate the need of bringing up an offspring and being parents. In conclusion, I feel that pets are a good companion for those who live alone especially for those who harbour depression and thought of suicide. Their love and taking their responsibilities can make people grown-ups and cure their psychologies damaged by their lonely lives.
We are living in a capitalist world where we sell a third of our days in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
during the rest. It
is suggested
by psychology coteries that we are lonelier than ever and
as a result
of this, depression is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
at unprecedented levels. As social creatures we need companions,
however
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
unarguably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend for our relationships
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
and even worse for ourselves. In my opinion, this is the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
since they don't judge you for not allotting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them; all you need to do is to feed and fondle them.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that confining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
within walls is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wrong and
they should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. My personal view is that they are
extremely
beneficial
especially
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as I stated previously, we are spending our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
mostly
at our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
we don't even have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for ourselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone our friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to maintain their relationships and friendships. As a corollary of this, we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more alone. It is a known fact that lonely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more prone to depression and suicidal thoughts. I feel that having a pet which can sit on your legs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you fondle itself can disperse all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings.

Secondly
, taking a responsibility of someone or something matures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. You
simply
have something to care for and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
for.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
can
also
replace the babies for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot have one.
Therefore
, they can
also
satiate the need of bringing up an offspring and being parents.

In conclusion
, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
companion for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone
especially
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'harbour' is British English.
harbour
depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of suicide. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and taking their responsibilities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grown-ups and cure their psychologies damaged by their lonely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say domestic animals, like cats, should not be reared in cities. Others say that such companion animals are beneficial to the community of a city. Which attitude do you believe to be correct? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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