Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Is it better to rear children in a joint family or in a nuclear family? Which do you think has greater positive impact on the child’s future? v.1

Is it better to rear children in a joint family or in a nuclear family? Which do you think has greater positive impact on the child’s future? v. 1
With the proliferation of technology and adaptation of western culture, the interaction between family members is declining. As compared to the extended families in the past, in the modern era, nuclear families are prevailing. But according to my opinion, large families play a great role to shape a children's future. On one hand, it cannot be denied that in a large family, kids have an opportunity to learn a plethora of things which are not possible in a nuclear family such as discipline, patience and moral values. They live with their grandparents, uncles and aunts which clearly means a number of different individuals. So children can acquire a lot of knowledge from them. Moreover, if both parents are working which can be commonly seen in the 21st century, children have many persons around who can take well care of him. On the other hand, due to some disputes which are also irrefutable in joint families, there can also be negative effects on children's mind. But primarily, it is best to bring up the children in extended families. For instance, I spent my childhood in a joint family. Later, when I moved to a dormitory for my study, I didn't face any hurdles to adjust with peers because it was very convenient for me to adapt in an ambience of the hostel. Furthermore, children get love and affection of the whole family and understand the value of relationships which in turn make them a well-mannered and respectful person in future. One can also enjoy the occasions and festivals with more zeal and interest. To conclude, children can flourish well in joint families as compared to nuclear families. They can become a maverick and sensible person.
With the proliferation of technology and adaptation of western culture, the interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members is declining. As compared to the extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in the past, in the modern era, nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are prevailing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
according to my opinion, large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
play a great role to shape a children's future.

On one hand, it cannot
be denied
that in a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, kids have an opportunity to learn a plethora of things which are not possible in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
such as discipline, patience and moral values. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their grandparents, uncles and aunts which
clearly
means a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge from them.
Moreover
, if both parents are working which can be
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons around who can take well care of him.

On the other hand
, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disputes which are
also
irrefutable in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, there can
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on children's mind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
primarily
, it is best to bring up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
For instance
, I spent my childhood in a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Later, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to a dormitory for my study, I didn't face any hurdles to adjust with peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient for me to adapt in an ambience of the hostel.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and understand the value of relationships which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a well-mannered and respectful person
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. One can
also
enjoy the occasions and festivals with more zeal and interest.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can flourish well in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as compared to nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. They can become a maverick and sensible person.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Is it better to rear children in a joint family or in a nuclear family? Which do you think has greater positive impact on the child’s future? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts