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In the bygone days, many had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this is happening? How far is this situation true in your country? v.1

In the bygone days, many had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this is happening? How far is this situation true in your country? v. 1
In the past, people tend to make hand-made clothes or repair items at home so that they can earn a living. Many people believe that this trend is dropping tremendously today. I agree that people no longer use these skills to earn a living and in fact, this phenomenon is also happening in my country. In the following paragraph, I will explain my views and the reasons why the skills are vanishing around the world. Many people remain convinced that the vast technological development has brought the disappearance of these skills. Take the case of computers, for example. It is true that the development of a trend of sending emails through computers take place in recent decades and these developments have replaced the traditional practice of writing letters with pens or pencils. Similarly, after the inventions of a cloth making the machine or repairing the machine, the majority of people have become more relied on these machines rather than the manpower. Since these inventions make the whole manufacturing or repairing process become more time and cost effective, it is easy to see why more and more businessmen choose to build factories with machines while hiring fewer and fewer people who have the skill of making clothes or repairing items. At the same time, I think that similar situations are happening in my country. Considering the fact that more and more people are switching the jobs from a manufacturing or repairing worker to a machine technician in the past few years, this cannot be denied. Given that the trend of industrialisation is still growing in my country, people eventually forget all these skills secondary to disuse. In the employees' mind, new factories with machines have higher profits and if they quit the job as a worker, they will be more likely to get a better-paid job and thus increase their living standards in future. Therefore, there is no doubt that the technical advances in my home country result in the disappearance of these skills as fewer people are willing to continue working for their original job. 20-30 years earlier, people did not have the technological advancements and that's why they were taught from their childhood how to do certain household things like repairing a tool or making clothes. Nowadays, parents do not focus that much on teaching their children of those skills. People mostly rely on machines, technological tools and skilled professionals for such things while they focus on education and getting specialised on their own field rather than gaining those short of skills. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that the technical development has brought the disappearance of these skills as the whole process has become efficient whereas in many employees' perspective, the incentive of not adopting these skills by switching their job nature allows them to become more wealthy and successful in future and this phenomenon is also commonly seen around the world including my country.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
hand-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
or repair items at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can earn a living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this trend is dropping
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to earn a living and in fact, this phenomenon is
also
happening in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In the following paragraph, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my views and the reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are vanishing around the world.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain convinced that the vast technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has brought the disappearance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Take the case of computers,
for example
. It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a trend of sending emails through computers take place in recent decades and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
have replaced the traditional practice of writing letters with pens or pencils.
Similarly
, after the inventions of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloth
making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repairing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more relied on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
rather
than the manpower. Since these inventions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the whole manufacturing or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repairing
process
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more time and cost effective, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why more and more businessmen choose to build factories with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
while hiring fewer and fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repairing
items.

At the same time, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that similar situations are happening in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Considering the fact that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are switching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
from a manufacturing or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repairing
worker to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
technician in the past few years, this cannot
be denied
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that the trend of
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
is
still
growing in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eventually
forget all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
secondary to disuse. In the employees' mind, new factories with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have higher profits and if they quit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a worker, they will be more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
thus
increase their living standards
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Therefore
, there is no doubt that the technical advances in my home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
result in the disappearance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to continue working for their original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job. 20-30
years earlier,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not have the technological advancements and that's why they
were taught
from their childhood how to do certain household things like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repairing
a tool or making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. Nowadays, parents do not focus that much on teaching their children of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
mostly
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, technological tools and skilled professionals for such things while they focus on education and getting
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
field
rather
than gaining those short of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, I would like to reiterate that the technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has brought the disappearance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as the whole process has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
efficient whereas in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees' perspective, the incentive of not adopting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by switching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
nature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more wealthy and successful in future and this phenomenon is
also
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
around the world including my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay In the bygone days, many had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this is happening? How far is this situation true in your country? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
488 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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