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Some people say domestic animals, like cats, should not be reared in cities. Others say that such companion animals are beneficial to the community of a city. Which attitude do you believe to be correct? v.2

Some people say domestic animals, like cats, should not be reared in cities. Others say that such companion animals are beneficial to the community of a city. Which attitude do you believe to be correct? v. 2
From the very beginning of the human era, people can’t live without a companion. And sometimes it is seen that pets can be the best companions for many people. People often betray with others, but pets are always loyal to the master. Though rearing some domestic animals have some negative impact in cities, but in my view, such companion animals are beneficial to the community. I am giving some reason on my side. First of all, they often help people to lessen their loneliness and become a good companion. Sometimes it is seen that people feel bored when they are alone. In that time pets can play a vital role. Especially in developed countries, people are always busy with their own life, they have no time to accompany family and friends. In this situation, pets can be the alternative of friends. For example, a few days ago, I have visited Germany where I have met a man who was alone. He had no friend, but he had five pet cats. He spent his leisure period with the cats and he never felt bored. Secondly, domestic animals are so loyal to the master. They can do anything for the master even sacrifice their life. Last month, I have watched an animation movie where a pet dog sacrificed his life for the master. And this event is not rare in real life as well. We have read many times how a loyal pet has saved its master’s life. Thirdly, some domestic animals have direct economic impact on society. For example, some people rear some domestic animals and earn money by selling the animals. Besides, sometimes it is seen that domestic animals are the carrier of different diseases. Some animals often carry different types of poisons. But proper vaccination and care, this adverse situation can be overcome. In the conclusion, it can be said that domestic animals have direct and indirect beneficial impact on the society both in rural and city community.
From the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beginning of the human era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companion
. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
can be the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companions
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
betray with others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are always loyal to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
master
. Though rearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my view, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are beneficial to the community. I am giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason on my side.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lessen their loneliness and become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companion
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel bored when they are alone. In that time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
can play a vital role.
Especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they have no time to accompany family and friends. In this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
can be the alternative of friends.
For example
, a few days ago, I have visited Germany where I have met a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who was alone. He had no friend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he had five pet cats. He spent his leisure period with the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cats and
he never felt bored.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
loyal to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
master
. They can do anything for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
master
even sacrifice their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. Last month, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
an animation movie where a pet dog sacrificed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
master
. And this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is not rare in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
. We have read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times how a loyal pet has saved its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
master’s
life.

Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have direct economic impact on society.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and earn money by selling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are the carrier of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
carry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of poisons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
proper vaccination and care, this adverse situation can
be overcome
.

In the conclusion, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have direct and indirect beneficial impact on the society both in rural and city community.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say domestic animals, like cats, should not be reared in cities. Others say that such companion animals are beneficial to the community of a city. Which attitude do you believe to be correct? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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