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Human activities make the world a better place to live in. however, do you agree or disagree that human activities do more harm than preserving the earth? v.2

Human activities make the world a better place to live in. however, that human activities do more harm than preserving the earth? v. 2
Some people are of the belief that there is already a positive impact to continually aid in the rehabilitation of the world. I affirm that this is not currently what is happening right now. First of all, the increasing demand for a better quality of life has lead developers into modernization. This effort is utterly destroying the ecosystem where animals are living in harmony and plant are growing. The building of mega cities, which involves the creation of resorts, corporate industries, condominiums and other commercial buildings is not perfect for the environment and animals won’t have a place to live in making them move out from where they used to adapt before. Furthermore, people are not disciplined properly when it comes to garbage disposal as they are unable to perfectly practice sorting out of waste material to appropriately find out which ones are to be disposed and recycled. In fact, most of the wastes come from tourism and food industry and also from homeowners who cannot make the time and effort to sort out trashes. As a result, waste products like plastics and metals get piled up and slowly adds up to the effect of pollution. Finally, the ineffective application of environmental strategies to resolve ongoing problems is making it hard for our planet to get rehabilitated. There is no enough funding to support the initiative of developing such helpful actions. The most rural part of third world countries are mostly affected by this and in turn won’t get enough information about how grave is the situation right now in our world. This leads to lack of information. By and large, some people may think that the world is still a good place to live in and men are significantly contributing to make it better. However, I am of the opinion that human activities may cause the destruction of our world due to modernization, the lack of discipline and inability to apply strategies for information dissemination.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the belief that there is already a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact to
continually
aid in the rehabilitation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. I affirm that this is not
currently
what is happening right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the increasing demand for a better quality of life has lead developers into modernization. This effort is
utterly
destroying the ecosystem where animals are living in harmony and plant are growing. The building of mega cities, which involves the creation of resorts, corporate industries, condominiums and other commercial buildings is not perfect for the environment and animals won’t have a place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in making them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out from where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to adapt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not disciplined
properly
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to garbage disposal as they are unable to
perfectly
practice sorting out of waste material to
appropriately
find out which ones are to
be disposed
and recycled. In fact, most of the wastes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from tourism and food industry and
also
from homeowners who cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the time and effort to sort out trashes.
As a result
, waste products like plastics and metals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
piled up and
slowly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
up to the effect of pollution.

Finally
, the ineffective application of environmental strategies to resolve ongoing problems is making it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for our planet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rehabilitated. There is no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funding to support the initiative of developing such helpful actions. The most rural part of third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
countries are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this and in turn won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information about how grave is the situation right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This leads to lack of information.

By and large,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
still
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are
significantly
contributing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it better.
However
, I am of the opinion that human activities may cause the destruction of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
due to modernization, the lack of discipline and inability to apply strategies for information dissemination.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Human activities make the world a better place to live in. however, that human activities do more harm than preserving the earth? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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