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Children from 7-11 now spend more time watching television and playing video games than before. What are the effects of this on children, families and society? What are the possible solutions to this problem? v.3

Children from 7-11 now spend more time watching television and playing video games than before. What are the effects of this on children, families and society? What are the possible solutions to this problem? v. 3
Children at young age in the present spend more time on watching television or they play video games. In the past it was only playing cricket or some outdoor games. As the technology increases and the children are more attracted by video games or some animated shows to watch on television. on one hand, It is often seen that there are many affects to children as it is the young age where they gain more knowledge, develop good communication skills but rather they become couch potato and effect eyesight also become so addicted that they don' t care even there is a fire in the house. The family who has so much dreams on their child once they are big and earn more money but they instead waste most of the time doing such useless things. This effects the entire society like such as the kids at present generations are future leaders if don' t focus on studies then the economy could go down and in future they would face difficulties if they don' t nurture right from childhood. On the other hand, though there are no permanent solutions for stopping children from watching however parents can take initiative by limiting such activities for a shorter time. Spend more time children play with them distract them from playing video games. Let them watch t. v. and gain more information on watching global news or discovery channel and not movies or serials etc. Allowing them to go and play outdoor games basically parents need to keep the child busy with many other activities which can develop their mental ability and skills. For example a child at the age of 10 can also do coding and his I. Q level is the highest level for his age. To bring up more such children we need to take every step carefully help them in developing more skills and learn new creative ideas than wasting the time on useless video games. In the conclusion, I would say that parents need to concentrate more on their kids and make them learn knowledge right from young age and probably not having any television or video games at home instead have more books and games which increases their memory power to help them do better with improving knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
at young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in the present spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
television or
they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In the past it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
playing cricket or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. As the technology increases and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more attracted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
animated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on television.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
one hand, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
affects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it is the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
where they gain more knowledge, develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
they become couch potato and effect eyesight
also
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addicted that they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t care even there is a fire in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. The family who has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
dreams on their child once they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and earn more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
instead
waste most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing such useless things. This effects the entire society like such as the kids at present generations are future leaders if
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t focus on studies then the economy could go down and in future they would face difficulties if they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t nurture right from childhood.

On the other hand
, though there are no permanent solutions for stopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from watching
however
parents can take initiative by limiting such activities for a shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play with them distract them from playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
t. v. and gain more information on watching global news or discovery channel and not movies or serials etc. Allowing them to go and play outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
basically
parents need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the child busy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other activities which can develop their mental ability and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
a child at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 10 can
also
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go coding".
do coding
and his I. Q level is the highest level for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. To bring up more such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
we need to take every step
carefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in developing more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and learn new creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
than wasting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on useless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games.

In the conclusion, I would say that parents need to concentrate more on their kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them learn knowledge right from young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
probably
not having any television or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at home
instead
have more books and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which increases their memory power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them do better with improving knowledge.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children from 7-11 now spend more time watching television and playing video games than before. What are the effects of this on children, families and society? What are the possible solutions to this problem? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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