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Some people said that men and women have different qualities, that men are suitable for certain jobs, women more suitable for others. Do you agree/disagree? v.1

Some people said that men and women have different qualities, that men are suitable for certain jobs, women more suitable for others. Do you agree/disagree? v. 1
A debated topic in society is the equality between two genders. While some people think that male and female can choose the same jobs, I believe that the natural differences make male and female more suitable for particular occupations. On the one hand, there are many jobs in which the performances of both genders are the same. The performance in office jobs is based on qualifications and set of skills that an employee has but not on genders. Therefore, if a male and a female have the equally academic and practical background, he/she could do the office jobs as well as the other. For example, anybody who has the knowledge in accounting could be successful in this career path regardless of their gender. On the other hand, I believe men are more suitable for some types of jobs other than women and vice versa. The reason is that male is naturally stronger than women. Normally, a man has larger and stronger muscles and the ability to react faster than a woman does. Therefore, men could do jobs, for instance, driving, mining and blacksmithing, which require physical strength better than women. However, as women are usually more careful and more patient than men, some tasks such as cleaning or sewing could be done better by a female. In conclusion, I believe that while certain jobs could be done well by both genders, some jobs are more appropriate for one gender.
A debated topic in society is the equality between two genders. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that male and female can choose the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, I believe that the natural differences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
male and female more suitable for particular occupations.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in which the performances of both genders are the same. The performance in office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is based
on qualifications and set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that an employee has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not on genders.
Therefore
, if a male and a female have the
equally
academic and practical background, he/she could do the office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as well
as the other.
For example
, anybody who has the knowledge in accounting could be successful in this career path regardless of their gender.

On the other hand
, I believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are more suitable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and vice versa. The reason is that male is
naturally
stronger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Normally
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has larger and stronger muscles and the ability to react faster than a woman does.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
could do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
for instance
, driving, mining and
Possible spelling mistake found.
blacksmithing
, which require physical strength better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
However
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
usually
more careful and more patient than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks such as cleaning or sewing could
be done
better by a female.

In conclusion
, I believe that while certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
could
be done
well by both genders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are more appropriate for one gender.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people said that men and women have different qualities, that men are suitable for certain jobs, women more suitable for others. Do you agree/disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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