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some developed countries have reduced the number of school hours. Is this a positive or a negative development? v.3

some developed countries have reduced the number of school hours. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 3
The topic asks if the decreased number of school hours in developed countries have put a positive or negative impact? Firstly, as a student and as per the education system of my country, I believe that this practice is beneficial. Less school hours will give more time to the students for the rest of the activities or to pursue their hobbies. For an example, if a child wants to become a musician then he needs to learn it by investing time and money in it, so if he gets the opportunity to get free from the school earlier than he will be able to give appropriate time to his passion or hobby and will be able to make his career in the respective field. Secondly, the more one will get indulged in other activities be it mental or physical that ultimately will benefit that person to keep himself healthy and also to use and relax his mind by doing what he likes. For an instance, if a child is interested in playing chess or football than in the spare time he will not only be able to follow and enjoy his interests, but will also be able to keep himself healthy because a happy and healthy body and mind leads to a joyful individual. Overall, I would like to say that I really got impressed and excited when I came to know about such education system because such practices give you lots of opportunities to fulfil your dreams, to work and earn while you are studying and also to take out a good time to spend with your family and friends.
The topic asks if the decreased number of school hours in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have put a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact?

Firstly
, as a student and as per the education system of my country, I believe that this practice is beneficial. Less school hours will give more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to the students for the rest of the activities or to pursue their hobbies. For an example, if a child wants to become a musician then he needs to learn it by investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money in it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free from the school earlier than he will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to give appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to his passion or hobby and will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his career in the respective field.

Secondly
, the more one will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged in other activities be it mental or physical that
ultimately
will benefit that person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
himself healthy and
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and relax his mind by doing what he likes. For an instance, if a child
is interested
in playing chess or football than in the spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to follow and enjoy his interests,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
himself healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a happy and healthy body and mind leads to a joyful individual.

Overall
, I would like to say that I
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
impressed and excited when I came to know about such education system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such practices give you lots of opportunities to fulfil your dreams, to work and earn while you are studying and
also
to take out a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with your family and friends.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay some developed countries have reduced the number of school hours. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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