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Some people resist changes in their lives while others think that change is an integral part of life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people resist changes in their lives while others think that change is an integral part of life. v. 1
Change is the nature of the law. With the fast growing world changes are something that are unavoidable. However, while some people think change is stressful, Others await and also put efforts for the improvements in the prevailing world. Firstly, Supporters of the former view, who are reluctant to accept a change put forth reasons to support their perspective, such as, change is something that causes commotion in the smooth going life. Besides, furthermore, They don't only think it spoils the value of authentic standards, but also affect the healthy lifestyle. Thirdly, For instance, with the advent of various types of mouth watering junk foods, people are starting to get obese depending on them. In addition to this, with the intake of processed food in their busy schedule individuals are starting to get affected by innumerous physical and mental illnesses, unlike in the olden days where people's whole diet included only cereals, pulses, millets as well as naturally obtained plant and animal sources with added daily exercise. On the other side, to keep up with the pace of the constantly growing world, advancements are essential, had early man thought to stop evolving from inventing fire, we wouldn't have been able to reach up till this stage of using electric stoves and ovens now. Changes are inevitable and certain and being adaptable and welcoming to the new discoveries and improvements not only helps us to grow intellectually but also gives us a much comfortable life for example, earlier people used to loose lives at a very young age due to many unknown diseases because of improper medical attention, with the development in medical equipment and increase in number of highly knowledgeable and qualified doctors the death rates have had drastically dropped In conclusion, lastly, although change is stressful and intimidating it is good for the society to welcome and accept changes to live a better life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Change
is the nature of the law. With the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are something that are unavoidable.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is stressful, Others await and
also
put efforts for the improvements in the prevailing world.

Firstly
, Supporters of the former view, who are reluctant to accept a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
put forth reasons to support their perspective, such as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is something that causes commotion in the smooth going life.
Besides
,
furthermore
, They don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it spoils the value of authentic standards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affect the healthy lifestyle.
Thirdly
,
For instance
, with the advent of various types of mouth watering junk foods,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are starting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obese depending on them.
In addition
to this, with the intake of processed food in their busy schedule individuals are starting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
innumerous
physical and mental illnesses, unlike in the olden
It is better to use 'days' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "days when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
days where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's whole diet included
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cereals, pulses,
Possible spelling mistake found.
millets
as well
as
naturally
obtained plant and animal sources with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
daily exercise.

On the other side, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the pace of the
constantly
growing world, advancements are essential, had early
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
evolving from inventing fire, we wouldn't have been able to reach up till this stage of using electric stoves and ovens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Changes
are inevitable and certain and being adaptable and welcoming to the new discoveries and improvements not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to grow
intellectually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gives us a much comfortable life
for example
, earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unknown diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of improper medical attention, with the development in medical equipment and increase in number of
highly
knowledgeable and qualified doctors the death rates have had
drastically
dropped

In conclusion
,
lastly
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is stressful and intimidating it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the society to welcome and accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people resist changes in their lives while others think that change is an integral part of life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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