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We live in a world of technology these days, While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree? v.1

We live in a world of technology these days, While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. v. 1
The world runs on technology now a days and the internet has a key role to play with its wide range of advantages. However, the issues in terms of control and security of information on the internet is arguable. In this essay I would emphasize on what can be done to overcome these challenges. Firstly, the information about anything and everything is readily available on the World Wide Web which is accessible to everyone. So to impose a control over this data as in to whom, why and how it is concerned is difficult. So organizations like Google, Yahoo, Facebook, Netflix etc collect basic information about the user and will display them only the content that they might be interested in accordance to their preferences. This way the discrepancy in the control over data is very much eradicated. In terms of Security, the so called millennials of this generation are always excited to post pictures or videos on social media. There might be a fear of losing their data or compromising their privacy by using their information from social media by the companies but in fact the data lies safe as there are security norms a social media platform has to adhere to. Also, for the very same reason the information can be shared to everyone or to only a certain group of people as per the user’s desire. I would like to conclude that to pick-up along with the adverse growth in the internet usage, the companies are also introducing new techniques to safeguard the control and security of user’s data.
The world runs on technology
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
and the internet has a key role to play with its wide range of advantages.
However
, the issues in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet is arguable. In this essay I would emphasize on what can
be done
to overcome these challenges.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about anything and everything is
readily
available on the World Wide Web which is accessible to everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to impose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
over this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
as in to whom, why and how it
is concerned
is difficult.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
organizations like Google, Yahoo, Facebook, Netflix etc collect basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the user and will display them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the content that they might
be interested
in accordance to their preferences. This way the discrepancy in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much eradicated.

In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Security
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
called millennials of this generation are always excited to post pictures or videos on social media. There might be a fear of losing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
or compromising their privacy by using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from social media by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
lies safe as there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
norms a social media platform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
adhere to.
Also
, for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
same reason the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be shared
to everyone or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a certain group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as per the user’s desire.

I would like
to conclude
that to pick-up along with the adverse growth in the internet usage, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
also
introducing new techniques to safeguard the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
of user’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay We live in a world of technology these days, While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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