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People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kinds of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kinds of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
Many people are afraid to make any life changing decisions. The main problem this causes is that people are unable to get rid of their bad habits and the most viable solution is that they can overcome this fear of change by increasing their knowledge. The principle problem associated with people afraid to bring about any change in their lives is that they are used to certain habits. Many individuals adopt bad habits like, smoking and drinking, and although they acknowledge their harmful effects, they are very happy to continue doing it because they find it comforting. The result of this is that people are more prone to many health problems, like obesity and diabetes, later in life. For example, according to the survey conducted by the American Health association, 40% of the general public have a habit of eating pizzas and burgers, even though they know that junk food is unhealthy. To tackle the problem, people should be encouraged to start reading and increase their knowledge. By gathering more information about the effects of their habits, people would be able to understand and adopt the changes they are good for them. This will undoubtedly have a positive effect on their mentality and they will be more comfortable to make those changes. For instance, a smoker is likely to stop smoking if he researches the harm that smoking does to his body. In conclusion, change is natural and people who resist it are only harming themselves by continuing some of their unhealthy habits, however the problem can be addressed by encouraging people to read more and, thus improve themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any life changing decisions. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
this causes is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and the most viable solution is that they can overcome this fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
by increasing their knowledge.

The principle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
afraid to bring about any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals adopt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
like, smoking and drinking, and although they acknowledge their harmful effects, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy to continue doing it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find it comforting. The result of this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, like obesity and diabetes, later in life.
For example
, according to the survey conducted by the American Health association, 40% of the
Consider using "public".
general public
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of eating pizzas and burgers,
even though
they know that junk food is unhealthy.

To tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
reading and increase their knowledge. By gathering more information about the effects of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be able to understand and adopt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them. This will
undoubtedly
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mentality and
they will be more comfortable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
.
For instance
, a smoker is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
smoking if he researches the harm that smoking does to his body.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is natural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who resist it are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harming themselves by continuing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
,
however
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be addressed
by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to read more and,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kinds of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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