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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefi v.9

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefi v. 9
One of the prominent challenges of our era is the world hunger. Despite the ever-growing advances in agriculture and food production, some parts of the world still suffer from this problem. This essay seeks to enlist some of the causes followed by reasonable solutions. On the one hand, while there is a plethora of reasons, some are more dominant. First and foremost, the wealth distribution is unfair. We have a colossal gap between the rich people and those who are deprived, which means in spite the developments in agriculture that have led to an abundance of food products, some people do not have the financial means to buy them. Secondly, the majority of producing food is wasted. The amount of consumables that are thrown away, especially in developed countries is terrifying. For example, research shows in the U. S alone, 100 million tons of food has been wasted in 2017. Last but not least, inefficient and corrupt government officials in third-world countries add to the magnitude of the problem. It has been acknowledged by dependable sources that many of these bureaucrats prevent the public to have access to food for personal gain. On the other hand, the aforementioned challenge can be tackled if the right methods are used. Firstly, by decreasing unemployment rate and increasing wages, more people will have the capital to be able to provide food for their dependents and themselves. Secondly, increasing sales-tax for food products in richer countries ensures the food waste prevention. Lastly, introducing legislation to stop and avert personal gains in government body is a step in the right direction. By the way of conclusion, although world hunger is a growing concern in our world that is caused by various reasons such as wealth distribution, food wastage, and corrupt authorities, it can be averted by reasonable solutions like increasing wages, sale-tax in developing countries and stricter law.
One of the prominent challenges of our era is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
hunger. Despite the ever-growing advances in agriculture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
still
suffer from this problem. This essay seeks to enlist
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
causes followed by reasonable solutions.

On the one hand, while there is a plethora of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are more dominant.
First
and foremost, the wealth distribution is unfair. We have a colossal gap between the rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and those who
are deprived
, which means in spite the developments in agriculture that have led to an abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have the financial means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
Secondly
, the majority of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is wasted
. The amount of consumables that
are thrown
away,
especially
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is terrifying.
For example
, research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
in the U. S alone, 100 million tons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has
been wasted
in 2017. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, inefficient and corrupt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials in third-world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the magnitude of the problem. It has
been acknowledged
by dependable sources that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these bureaucrats
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the public to have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for personal gain.

On the other hand
, the aforementioned challenge can
be tackled
if the right methods are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Firstly
, by decreasing unemployment rate and increasing wages, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have the capital to be able to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for their dependents and themselves.
Secondly
, increasing sales-tax for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products in richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
ensures the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
waste prevention.
Lastly
, introducing legislation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and avert personal gains in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
body is a step in the right direction.

By the way of conclusion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
hunger is a growing concern in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
that
is caused
by various reasons such as wealth distribution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
wastage, and corrupt authorities, it can
be averted
by reasonable solutions like increasing wages, sale-tax in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and stricter law.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefi v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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