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Some people like taking their vacation in a city. Others prefer spending their vacation in the countryside. Which do you prefer, why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

Some people like taking their vacation in a city. Others prefer spending their vacation in the countryside. Which do you prefer, why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
Electronic and computer games are a rage, especially among young people. Some people argue that playing such games is beneficial for youngsters in learning useful skills, while others think it is leads to wastage of time. In this write up, I will discuss both views and opine why I feel one should give these games a chance. The gaming universe has evolved a lot in past 15-20 years. There is an array of different games on various platforms to choose from. Nowadays, a lot of attention is paid to their storylines, characters, music and gameplay. Perhaps gaming experience now is as involved as cinema. Therefore, it can not only stimulate the imagination of a teenage mind, but also acts as a stress buster. Kids easily handle a plethora of apps on mobiles or computers because they have become tech savvy thanks to the exposure to gaming. The industry also provides plenty of employment opportunities to players, developers, technicians among others. With the emergence of technologies like Virtual Reality the numbers are only going to go up so there is an added incentive for gamers. That being said, there is a flip side of this discussion, which involves mainly around the negative effects of excessive gaming and malpractices in the gaming industry. It is observed that social skills are lacking among children who are on mobiles or computers all the time. Many have a weak eye sight due to prolonged exposure to bright screens. Many researchers have propounded that violent games have a debilitating effect on a child's mind. The kids have also been known to lose focus in studies and become lazy. The depiction of female characters in some of the games is very questionable and hence it affects a perception of an impressionable tender mind. In my opinion, parents have to keep a close watch on the kind of content their kids are consuming and allow them to enjoy games for a limited time. To conclude, as long as we can control it from becoming an addiction, gaming is alright.
Electronic and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a rage,
especially
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that playing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is beneficial for youngsters in learning useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is leads to wastage of time. In this
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
write up
, I will discuss both views and opine why I feel one should give these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
a chance.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaming
universe has evolved a lot in past 15-20 years. There is an array of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on various platforms to choose from. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention
is paid
to their storylines, characters, music and gameplay. Perhaps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaming
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is as involved as cinema.
Therefore
, it can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
stimulate the imagination of a teenage mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
acts as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster. Kids
easily
handle a plethora of apps on mobiles or computers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
tech savvy
thanks to the exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaming
. The industry
also
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of employment opportunities to players, developers, technicians among others. With the emergence of technologies like Virtual Reality the numbers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
going to go up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
incentive for gamers.

That
being said
, there is a flip side of this discussion, which involves
mainly
around the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaming
and malpractices in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaming
industry. It
is observed
that social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are lacking among children who are on mobiles or computers all the time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
have a weak
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
due to prolonged exposure to bright screens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
researchers have propounded that violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a debilitating effect on a child's mind. The kids have
also
been known
to lose
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
studies and become lazy. The depiction of female characters in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
questionable and
hence
it affects a perception of an impressionable tender mind.

In my opinion, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a close
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on the kind of content their kids are consuming and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a limited time.
To conclude
, as long as we can control it from becoming an addiction,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaming
is alright.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people like taking their vacation in a city. Others prefer spending their vacation in the countryside. Which do you prefer, why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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