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Men and women employed in full-time jobs should share theresponsibilities of household chores. Do you agree or disagree? Share relevant personal experiences. v.1

Men and women employed in full-time jobs should share theresponsibilities of household chores. Share relevant personal experiences. v. 1
In this day and age, advertisement is a key part of modern business. According to some people, advertisements inform us about those new products that develop our lifestyle. However, I strongly agree with the idea that advertising manipulates people to consume products which are not necessary for us. Some people believe that the aim of adverts to persuade people that buying goods will make them happier. This encourages us to buy those products which we do not use in our daily life. For example, people who work for a company to promote products, are tending to tell customers about the advantages of a product and try to convince to buy it. In that situation, the consumer decides to purchase it, but later they realize that they wasted money. Furthermore, showing adverts not only manipulate elder people but also influence the children to take things. Consequently, children put pressure on parents to buy them things. Other people think that companies need to tell customers about new products, therefore, they can improve their lives. What is more, an advertisement firm is a creative industry that employs many people. Without it, there would be higher unemployment in a country. For instance, models are involved in promoting the company's products, and this field fills up many opportunities for people. As we know, many people are involved in this profession. In conclusion, we now live in a consumer culture, where, it creates demand for products. In my opinion, advertising should be regulated. The government should censor false information that makes people choosing the wrong products. Additionally, we should be careful before buying a product.
In this day and age, advertisement is a key part of modern business. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, advertisements inform us about those new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that develop our lifestyle.
However
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that advertising manipulates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are not necessary for us.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the aim of adverts to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier. This encourages us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in our daily life.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, are tending to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
customers about the advantages of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and try to convince to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it. In that situation, the consumer decides to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later they realize that they wasted money.
Furthermore
, showing adverts not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
manipulate elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
influence the children to take things.
Consequently
, children put pressure on parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them things.

Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
customers about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
What is more
, an advertisement firm is a creative industry that employs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Without it, there would be higher unemployment in a country.
For instance
, models
are involved
in promoting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and this field fills up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As we know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in this profession.

In conclusion
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a consumer culture, where, it creates demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. In my opinion, advertising should
be regulated
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should censor false information that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choosing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Additionally
, we should be careful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Men and women employed in full-time jobs should share theresponsibilities of household chores. Share relevant personal experiences. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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