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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.4

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 4
Nowadays, more and more people, especially youths, spend much of their time on playing computer games. The game can be both needful for people as developing skills and knowledge, or harmful because of the content. In my opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, as there are many harmful impacts. On the one hand, games are considered as entertaining and educational. These games are the playgrounds for them to play around, and it has unlimited resources of information. Players are tested in games, and in some simulation games, they can try to do some new skills that never do in real life. Besides, they can have mistakes so that they can avoid being inaccurate in future works. From an educational perspective, these games can stimulate imagination and creativity, as well as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, which are more useful in the future. On the other hand, players get addicted easily. Games these days have objective missions and scorings, make the game more addictive. People are persuaded to accomplish them in a serious way, which affects in a hazardous way. By then, they start to spend more time on computers, and many of them usually get obesity and sedentary lifestyle, have an unhealthy diet. Also, real-time works included homework, are being spent less time and video games take more space. The addiction makes people more difficult in their life, and if there is no restriction, more horrible issues can occur. In conclusion, playing computer games is not good for human’s mental and physical health, and it needs to be reduced.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
youths, spend much of their time on playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The game can be both needful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge, or harmful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the content. In my opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harmful impacts.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are considered
as entertaining and educational. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are the playgrounds for them to play around, and it has unlimited resources of information. Players are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simulation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they can try to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that never do in real life.
Besides
, they can have mistakes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can avoid being inaccurate in future works. From an educational perspective, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can stimulate imagination and creativity,
as well
as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, which are more useful in the future.

On the other hand
, players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted
easily
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
these days have objective missions and
Possible spelling mistake found.
scorings
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the game more addictive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are persuaded
to accomplish them
Consider replacing "in a serious way" with the adverb for "serious"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a serious way
, which affects
Consider replacing "in a hazardous way" with the adverb for "hazardous"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a hazardous way
. By then, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to spend more time on computers, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obesity and sedentary lifestyle, have an unhealthy diet.
Also
, real-time works included homework, are
being spent
less time and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
take more space. The addiction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more difficult in their life, and if there is no restriction, more horrible issues can occur.

In conclusion
, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for human’s mental and physical health, and it needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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