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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.3

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 3
When it comes to modern ways of entertainment, there are those who claim that, not only have computer games created safe and pleasent moments for gamers, but they also become teaching instuments that has increased users knowledge extensively. Conversely, there are also those who believe that these games will negatively impact the people's health. I strongly support this idea that playing video games in a controlled way will have an enormous benefit for players, because of two compelling reasons explained in this essay. First and foremost, computer games result in creativity and awarness of individuals. This means that they usually make a situtation for playes in which they have to swiftly decide what is the best step to take. In other words, those who play video games will be faced issues that they are not able to meet in their real life. Consequently, by understanding the results in just few seconds, players will understand if their moves were properly made or not. Based on the result of an intresting research done in 2010 by Tehran University of Medical Sciences, more than two-third of surgeons played at least one computer or mobile game during their residency. This will support this idea that video gaming provide a great chance for raise creativity and awareness. Furthermore, there are specific video games which are designed for teaching purposes. It means that because of proven positve influences of these games, there are educational institutions which pay gaming companies to produce games that children can use them to learn. For example there are several games teachers use in the pre-school classes to teach the alphabet and basic mathematics to the children. To cite a clearer example, the modern simulation games such as Microsoft Flight Simulator are designed to train and evaluate future pilots. These trainees are able to use this game as a trial and error tool to further their skills in controlling airplanes. To conclude, also some believe that due to potential negative effects, video gaming should be limited for the children and even the adults, I strongly believe that these types of games plays a pivotal role in making individuals to become more and more creative and skillful, ideally while they are spending an amiable leisure time.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to modern ways of entertainment, there are those who claim that, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
created safe and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pleasent
moments for gamers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
become teaching
Possible spelling mistake found.
instuments
that has increased users knowledge
extensively
.
Conversely
, there are
also
those who believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will
negatively
impact the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health. I
strongly
support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in a controlled way will have an enormous benefit for players,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two compelling reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in this essay.

First
and foremost, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
result in creativity and
Possible spelling mistake found.
awarness
of individuals. This means that they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
situtation
for
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "plays", the plural form of the noun 'play'?
playes
in which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
swiftly
decide what is the best step to take.
In other words
, those who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will
be faced
issues that they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in their real life.
Consequently
, by understanding the results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few seconds, players will understand if their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
were
properly
made or not. Based on the result of an
Possible spelling mistake found.
intresting
research done in 2010 by Tehran University of Medical Sciences, more than two-third of surgeons played at least one computer or mobile game during their residency. This will support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
gaming provide a great chance for raise creativity and awareness.

Furthermore
, there are specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
are designed
for teaching purposes. It means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of proven
Possible spelling mistake found.
positve
influences of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, there are educational institutions which pay gaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to learn.
For example
there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
classes to teach the alphabet and basic mathematics to the children. To cite a clearer example, the modern simulation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as Microsoft Flight Simulator
are designed
to train and evaluate future pilots. These trainees are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this game as a trial and error tool to
further
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in controlling airplanes.

To conclude
,
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that due to potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
gaming should
be limited
for the children and even the adults, I
strongly
believe that these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
plays a pivotal role in making individuals to become more and more creative and skillful,
ideally
while they are spending an amiable leisure time.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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