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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.7

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 7
Education technology is being introduced into schools to help children have a more interactive learning, amongst such other useful to is video gaming. However, some opines that its disadvantages are more than the advantages, nevertheless, I am of the believe that it proffers better solution to a child's education than otherwise. Firstly, video games are very entertaining, engaging and educational as it help builds their cognitive, logical reasoning and problem solving skills. For instance, a child plays a Lego game online, whilst playing at various stages, he develops his problem solving skills which is a soft skill that will be helpful in the real word. Also, some video games help these kids navigate using digital platforms safely, which happens to be a life skill. There have been so much incidents around cyberbullying, sexting and phishing etc. Recently, Google developed a series of online games to help teach children to be aware of various hazards and abuse that are available online. On the other hand, those in support of drawbacks are of the opinion that video games are very distractive and destructive which is not negotiable. Online gaming is time consuming and distracts a child from doing other tasks from schools, sleeping while a child is meant to be studying, ditching classes for an extra hour on the console or not having adequate time helping out with house chores due to the gamer zest for accomplishing the series stages of such game. In conclusion, video gaming can have both adverse effects on a child and benefits, but the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Education technology is
being introduced
into schools to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
children have a more interactive learning, amongst such other useful to is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
gaming.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opines that its disadvantages are more than the advantages,
nevertheless
, I am of the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that it proffers better solution to a child's education than
otherwise
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
entertaining, engaging and educational as it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
builds their cognitive, logical reasoning and problem solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
plays a Lego game online, whilst playing at various stages, he develops his problem solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which is a soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that will be helpful in the real word.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
these kids navigate using digital platforms
safely
, which happens to be a life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
incidents around cyberbullying, sexting and phishing etc. Recently, Google developed a series of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
teach children to be aware of various hazards and abuse that are available online.

On the other hand
, those in support of drawbacks are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
distractive
and destructive which is not negotiable. Online gaming is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
and distracts a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
from doing other tasks from schools, sleeping while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is meant
to be studying, ditching classes for an extra hour on the console or not having adequate time helping out with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores due to the gamer zest for accomplishing the series stages of such game.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
gaming can have both adverse effects on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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