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Some people prefer to work same job through out their life while others like to change. Give your opinion v.1

Some people prefer to work same job through out their life while others like to change. Give your opinion v. 1
A change in career path can always be influenced by different things-either by necessity or choice; albeit it is left for such individual to determine what prompts their decision to have a modification with their profession. Though, people say it is better not to be a jack of all trades and master of none, but I for one think it is okay to have a change. Firstly, working various jobs for some people is hinges on career development; having a particular job your entire life might not bring new experience and learnings. You learn how things are being done in a different way. I used to work in a local NGO and our filing system was done traditionally, when I had a change of job, I learnt a new way of filing systems online; we saved all our documents on a Google drive and the naming convention made it very easy to search for files. Also, cultural diversity cannot be neglected in the work place and having to work in different organisation has influenced my ideology towards the accomplishing dimension of tasks. On the other hand, those who stay in the same job are of the opinion that switching of jobs applies to not being dependable, and wouldn't help them achieve their aim of getting to the apex ladder of the same organisation. Nevertheless, it is all dependent on what we really want in our lives as we journey through our career path. In conclusion, changing of course helps with growth and makes you see things from various dimensions.
A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in career path can always
be influenced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things-either by necessity or choice; albeit it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for such individual to determine what prompts their decision to have a modification with their profession. Though,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say it is better not to be a jack of all trades and master of none,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I for one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is okay to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

Firstly
, working various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
hinges on career development; having a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
your entire life might not bring new experience and learnings. You learn how things are
being done
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work in a local NGO and our filing system
was done
traditionally
, when I had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
a new way of filing systems online; we saved all our documents on a
Did you mean "Google Drive"?
Google drive
and the naming convention made it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to search for files.
Also
, cultural diversity cannot
be neglected
in the work place and having to work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
has influenced my ideology towards the accomplishing dimension of tasks.

On the other hand
, those who stay in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are of the opinion that switching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
not being dependable, and wouldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them achieve their aim of getting to the apex ladder of the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
Nevertheless
, it is all dependent on what we
really
want in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as we journey through our career path.

In conclusion
, changing
of course
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
with growth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things from various dimensions.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people prefer to work same job through out their life while others like to change. Give your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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