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: Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.4

: Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 4
These days, some people often splash their money on costly and unnecessary things and end up with unaffordable debt. In this essay, I will examine the reasons and give some solutions for this issue. To begin with, a lack of financial knowledge plays a big part of the trouble. Because these people cannot balance between incomes and expenses, they are more likely to get involved in liabilities. Secondly, show-off is the other reason why they purchase costly things. Lots of people believe that it can help them impress other people. Take young people, for example; They buy things are like expensive cars, luxury purses or other brand name items in order to show their richness, although they can not afford its bills. The superficial thoughts finally put them into unpayable credit and drag them down every month. However, there are some plausible solutions which avoid landing in debt. Firstly, these people may benefit from making a meticulous spending plan. This method will help them keep track the way people want to spend money. Furthermore, living a simple life, which is just buying what you need and get rid of unneeded things, is also the solution of the problem. For example, there are many services people are not using but it costs much money. Monthly gym memberships can cost them hundred of dollars, but they barely can use this service. People still can get the same thing without having to pay by replacing this service with exercising at a local park or walking around the neighbourhood. To conclude, the lack of knowledge and show-off are the reasons for getting into debt, but it can be avoided by creating a spending plan or living a simple life. (286)
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
splash their money on costly and unnecessary things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with unaffordable debt. In this essay, I will examine the reasons and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a lack of financial knowledge plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
part of the trouble.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot balance between incomes and expenses, they are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in liabilities.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-off is the other reason why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
costly things. Lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them impress other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Take young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
; They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things are like expensive cars, luxury purses or other brand name items in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their richness, although they can not afford its bills. The superficial thoughts
finally
put them into
Possible spelling mistake found.
unpayable
credit and drag them down every month.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plausible solutions which avoid landing in debt.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may benefit from making a meticulous spending plan. This method will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to spend money.
Furthermore
, living a simple life, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
buying what you need and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of unneeded things, is
also
the solution of the problem.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it costs much money. Monthly gym memberships can cost them
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
of dollars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
barely
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this service.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
still
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same thing without having to pay by replacing this service with exercising at a local park or walking around the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.

To conclude
, the lack of knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-off are the reasons for getting into debt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be avoided
by creating a spending plan or living a simple life.

(286)
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay : Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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