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Environmental problem such as pollution and climate variations are increasing now days. The government have taken measures at global level but they got only few solution. why is it so? and how can this problem be solved? v.1

Environmental problem such as pollution and climate variations are increasing now days. The government have taken measures at global level but they got only few solution. why is it so? and how can this problem be solved? v. 1
These days, the amount of environmental problem, like climate changes and pollution, is growing significantly. Even though the government has already tried to solve this, only a few were able to be solved. In my opinion, human behaviour towards environment have caused this issue bigger and the only solution is to encourage each individual to stop harming and start fixing the surroundings. One of the main reasons of this issue becomes larger everyday because of human ignorance. All natural problems have happened long ago, but the effect was still hard to be recognized. For example, about a decade ago when many countries still fought over a territory, a lot of wars could not be dodged and happened almost every day. During those wars, many industries made weapons without taking any measures towards environment. Consequently, the environmental damage was really high during those periods. That's why, every action need to be considered even if it is not particularly related to nature. The only and best solution is to introduce and encourage every person to stop harming environment and try giving back to nature. For instance, using eco-friendly glasses or just by bringing a bottle for each purchase in a coffee shop. Worldwide, the number of people who drink coffee is up to 10 billion glasses every day. In other words, people need to start realising the importance in each activity they do that could harm the nature, so the effect would lessen. Thus, only by not purposely harming the nature by using environmentally friendly materials would be one of the best way to solve global natural issues. In conclusion, not only the government need to solve environment problem, but also the citizens need to take part in it because human activities are the main reason of this problem.
These days, the amount of environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, like climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and pollution, is growing
significantly
.
Even though
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has already tried to solve this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a few were able to
be solved
. In my opinion, human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
have caused this issue bigger and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
solution is to encourage each individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
harming and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
fixing the surroundings.

One of the main reasons of this issue becomes larger
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of human ignorance. All natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
have happened long ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the effect was
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
be recognized
.
For example
, about a decade ago when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
still
fought over a territory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
wars could not
be dodged
and happened almost every day. During those wars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries made weapons without taking any measures towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Consequently
, the environmental damage was
really
high during those periods. That's why, every action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be considered
even if it is not
particularly
related to nature.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
and best solution is to introduce and encourage every person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
harming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and try giving back to nature.
For instance
, using eco-friendly glasses or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by bringing a bottle for each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
in a coffee shop. Worldwide, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who drink coffee is up to 10 billion glasses every day.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
the importance in each activity they do that could harm the nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the effect would lessen.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
by not
purposely
harming the nature by using
environmentally
friendly materials would be one of the best way to solve global natural issues.

In conclusion
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
human activities are the main reason of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Environmental problem such as pollution and climate variations are increasing now days. The government have taken measures at global level but they got only few solution. why is it so? and how can this problem be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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