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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.21

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 21
The issue whether the video games are in its usefulness or in harmfulness for the people is very controversial one. On the one hand, the most of the gamers I know, are very clever persons. On the other hand, there are those who think that person who is sitting in front of a computer all day long cannot be an educated person. However, in my point of view, I think that any kind of game can be useful. In the following paragraphs, I will try to bring up some advantages and disadvantages of the issue. There are few main arguments that can be advanced to support the issue about computer games as a fun or educational tool. First of all, the computer games help to cure some mental problems and educate at the same time. For example, some problems with eyes, nerves etc. In that kind of games, a person has to count and follow the birds and at the same time to listen to music. The second reason, games help people to think logically. In the early age they develop a child’s thinking, concentration, motivation, why not help with reading etc. For example, in some video games, you have to pick up keys and remember some words for opening doors or codes. On the other side, it is not a secret that nowadays with developing of computer and different kinds of games, people spend much time in front of a computer, which brings to our isolation from the world. Furthermore, people spend so much time for playing games that forget about other more important things, as a face to face contact, walking, playing real games not virtual. In conclusion, in my opinion, every person has to have a measure of the time and not to spend all the time doing the same thing.
The issue whether the video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are in its usefulness or in harmfulness for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial one. On the one hand, the most of the gamers I know, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
clever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
On the other hand
, there are those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is sitting in front of a computer all day long cannot be an educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
However
, in my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that any kind of game can be useful. In the following paragraphs, I will try to bring up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages of the issue.

There are few main arguments that can
be advanced
to support the issue about computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a fun or educational tool.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental problems and educate at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with eyes, nerves etc. In that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
count and follow the birds and at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to listen to music. The second reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
logically
. In the early age they develop a child’s thinking, concentration, motivation, why not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with reading etc.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pick up keys and remember
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words for opening doors or codes.

On the other side, it is not a secret that nowadays with developing of computer and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of a computer, which brings to our isolation from the world.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that forget about other more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things, as a face to face contact, walking, playing real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
not virtual.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have a measure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and not to spend all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing the same thing.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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