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We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. v.9

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. v. 9
There are various reasons behind the fact of helping to certain people, communities or countries only. First of all, you may not have financial solvency to help a country but certainly, may have the ability to help a community or a particular people. In some cases, you may have the positive intention to aid but which will not be taken warmly due to the culture of the society you live in. On the other hand, the people may not be interested in taking help from you due to different political or religious point of view. A society has different types of people in terms of their origin, culture, religion, tribes, taboos and political stands which narrow down the probability of providing support to or taking aid from others. It is the nature of human being to form the community with the people whose mindsets are more or less similar. That’s why one always wants to get the help from the group with whom he feels comfortable. Beside this, there is another reason for not taking help from other people is anonymity. Sometimes unknown people want to help others to come to close with each other so that the aided people can be exploited later by illegal means or taking advantages of the people which he cannot get in any other way. Furthermore, bad people also want to help to take advantages in the society but people are usually not used to take help from those. However, sometimes, it becomes a question of humanity to aid the people beyond the country like helping the victim of natural disasters or manmade disasters which are usually provided by the government of a country. In conclusion, I would like to say that helping others is the first condition of humanities but one should only worry about helping his own communities and countries considering his social, cultural and financial limitations.
There are various reasons behind the fact of helping to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, you may not have financial solvency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
certainly
, may have the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
or a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, you may have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
intention to aid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
which will not
be taken
warmly
due to the culture of the society you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not
be interested
in taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from you due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
political or religious point of view.

A society has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of their origin, culture, religion, tribes, taboos and political stands which narrow down the probability of providing support to or taking aid from others. It is the nature of human being to form the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose mindsets are more or less similar. That’s why one always wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the group with whom he feels comfortable. Beside this, there is another reason for not taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
anonymity.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to close with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the aided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be exploited
later by illegal means or taking advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which he cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
way.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to take advantages in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from those.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, it becomes a question of humanity to aid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like helping the victim of natural disasters or
Possible spelling mistake found.
manmade
disasters which are
usually
provided by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of a country.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that helping others is the
first
condition of humanities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worry about helping his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
considering his social, cultural and financial limitations.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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