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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.22

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 22
Video games are widely played throughout the world. Many consider this video game as a form of having fun and not only harmless but also educationally beneficial. Others believe that the disturbing content of such games can influence one’s mind negatively. However, the demerits of video games, if any, that the critics put forth seem trivial when compared to its beneficial ramifications. To prove this, both the views will be critiqued. First, it is a well-known fact that video games can be educational. For instance, based on a few research works published in the Journal of American Behavioral Psychology, it is proven through various experiments that young people can hone their intelligence and knowledge by playing strategy games. This proves that video games do have the potential to flourish young minds when regularly engaged in such activities. As far as the other view is concerned, there is little evidence to prove that video games can instigate violence among people. A research work recently published in the same journal mentioned above illustrates this in action. According to this work, ‘violent’ people who play video games are naturally inclined towards games that contain violent content and imagery etc. , however, their behavioural issues could not be linked to the content of those video games they were exposed to; rather, it was found to be just a matter of preference. Having analysed both these arguments, it has been proved that video games can be beneficial as they can increase general knowledge and intelligence, and the fact that the absurd themes of such games are very unlikely to instil violence. It is expected that video games’ popularity will continue to rise among young people in particular, and will continue to benefit them in although not so obvious ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
widely
played throughout the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
consider this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game as a form of having fun and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harmless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
educationally
beneficial. Others believe that the disturbing content of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can influence one’s mind
negatively
.
However
, the demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, if any, that the critics put forth seem trivial when compared to its beneficial ramifications. To prove this, both the views will
be critiqued
.

First
,
it is a well-known fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be educational.
For instance
, based on a few research works published in the Journal of American Behavioral Psychology, it
is proven
through various experiments that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can hone their intelligence and knowledge by playing strategy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do have the potential to flourish young minds when
regularly
engaged in such activities.

As far as the other view
is concerned
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
evidence to prove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can instigate violence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A research work recently published in the same journal mentioned above illustrates this in action. According to this work, ‘violent’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
naturally
inclined towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that contain violent content and imagery etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
however
, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
issues could not
be linked
to the content of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they
were exposed
to;
rather
, it
was found
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a matter of preference.

Having
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
both these arguments, it has
been proved
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be beneficial as they can increase general knowledge and intelligence, and the fact that the absurd themes of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unlikely to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
violence. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games’
popularity will continue to rise among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in particular
, and will continue to benefit them in although not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obvious ways.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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