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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.23

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 23
Nowadays, people are spending most of their time on computers, mobile phones and the internet. They mostly play video games and watch movies on their devices. So, the increasing usages of the mobile phones and computers for playing video games is a common trend nowadays. Some people believe that playing video games have harmful effects on people, and others believe that it is a useful tool for them. In this essay, I would like to give my reasons for both the aspects and at last in the conclusion, I will give my opinion. Firstly, people spend their time on computers and mobile phone for playing video games as a form of entertainment to out from stress and daily busy life. There are many kinds of video games available on the internet. For example, some video games require a good level of knowledge to solve problems and puzzles and this is helpful to develop logical reasoning.   In some video games, we need to apply our intelligence and do brainstorm so that we can sharpen our capability to solve many difficult problems. This logic can be applied to our study, in order to solve mathematical problems. So, for this reason, I would like to consider that playing video games, which are carefully chosen, is a useful and harmless tool for people. On the other hand, there are also some disadvantages in playing video games. Some video games require fighting and violent activities to win the game. So, continuous playing of these kinds of games can take individuals to lead the criminal activity. It may a cause serious problem to society. Even, there are some kinds of video games available on the internet which may not require additional knowledge and logic to solve it and they are simply designed to kill time. These kinds of games consume the time of people and make them more tired and lazy about their works and study. So, putting in a nutshell I would like to say it depends on individuals whether video games are used to learn or to kill time. As of knowing advantages and disadvantages of video games, it is an individual’s own responsibilities to control themselves before wasting their valuable time.
Nowadays,
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people
are spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computers, mobile phones and the internet. They
mostly
play
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies on their devices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the increasing usages of the mobile phones and computers for
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a common trend nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have harmful effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
believe that it is a useful tool for them. In this essay, I would like to give my reasons for both the aspects and at last in the conclusion, I will give my opinion.

Firstly
,
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people
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computers and mobile phone for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a form of entertainment to out from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and daily busy life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
available on the internet.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
require a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
level of knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and puzzles and this is helpful to develop logical reasoning.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, we need to apply our intelligence and do brainstorm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can sharpen our capability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This logic can
be applied
to our study, in order to
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solve
mathematical
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problems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
for this reason
, I would like to consider that
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which are
carefully
chosen, is a useful and harmless tool for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages in
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
require fighting and violent activities to win the game.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can take individuals to lead the criminal activity. It may a cause serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
to society. Even, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
available on the internet which may not require additional knowledge and logic to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they are
simply
designed to kill
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time
. These
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kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
consume the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more tired and lazy about their works and study.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, putting in a nutshell I would like to say it depends on individuals whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to learn or to kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. As of knowing advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, it is an individual’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibilities to control themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
wasting their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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