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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.20

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 20
In the present era, advancement in technology has made a significant change to the lifestyle of each and every person in the world. New innovation like video games which are used to have fun and useful tools in education learning for children but some people argue that video games have some negative development on children. I am going to discuss this topic. Firstly, newly released and innovative video games are much helpful for children, to spend their free time at home without disturbing others. Some video games are played in a group which creates a challenging environment for children and they learn how to win the game and be successful. From an educational perspective, these games encourage imagination and creativity, as well as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, all of which are useful skills outside the gaming context. Furthermore, it has been shown that computer simulation games can improve users’ motor skills and help to prepare them for real-world tasks, such as flying a plane. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of games. Children becoming less active in terms of physical activity and more addictive of video games because users are constantly given scores, new targets and frequent rewards to keep them engaged. They are spending most of their times in playing games so it may affect their education as well their eyes and on health also. In the past, when video games were not present, at that time most of the children used to play outdoor games with their friends which seem disappearing nowadays. Children are becoming more and more technology addictive than the past which is a concerning question for many guardians. In conclusion, I can say that there are more drawbacks of video games on children then its positive benefit.
In the present era, advancement in technology has made a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to the lifestyle of each and every person in the world. New innovation like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have fun and useful tools in education learning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I am going to discuss this topic.

Firstly
,
newly
released and innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are much helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, to spend their free time at home without disturbing others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are played
in a group which creates a challenging environment for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they learn how to win the game and be successful. From an educational perspective, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
encourage imagination and creativity,
as well
as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, all of which are useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
outside the gaming context.
Furthermore
, it has
been shown
that computer simulation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
users’ motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to prepare them for real-world tasks, such as flying a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
becoming less active in terms of physical activity and more addictive of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
users are
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
scores, new targets and frequent rewards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them engaged. They are spending most of their times in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it may affect their education
as well
their eyes and on health
also
. In the past, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were not present, at that time most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with their friends which seem disappearing nowadays.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are becoming more and more technology addictive than the past which is a concerning question for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
guardians.

In conclusion
, I can say that there are more drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
then its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
benefit.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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