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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.19

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 19
Many people will be hard pressed to name one invention that has made a greater impact on young people's lives than video games. At this day and age, almost all children grow up being exposed to video games, and consequently spent a large amount of time playing them. Thus it is important to ask whether video games have any detrimental effect on children and our society as a whole. Firstly, video games provide a lot of happiness to a great portion of the population. Because there exists a great variety of games of different genres for kids and even adults of every age, most people will surely be able to find a game that interests them. As a result, they will derive pleasure from playing their game of choice and lead happier lives. Even more, playing video games can at times also be a social activity, where gamers meet up with their friends to play their favourite video game together. However, this at first innocent pleasure can quickly turn into an addiction. Seeing that many people suffer from depression and are dissatisfied with their life, it is easy to see how these people can become engrossed in video games. Often they provide the player with a fake sense of achievement, making them forget about their responsibilities in the so-called "real life". The game "Word of Warcraft" is especially known for this, exploiting vulnerabilities in people in order to make a quick buck. Unfortunately, the disadvantages do not stop there: A great number of video games rely on violence in their storytelling, which desensitises the gamer towards violent acts such as physical force or even murder. While many people argue that adults are able to differentiate between the fantasy in video games and reality, nobody denies that children lack this ability. Although many countries have implemented policies to prevent young people from playing violent video games, these measures are very often not effective enough, and young children end up consuming and playing violent games. In conclusion, video games certainly do have positive effects. However, it is my opinion that the drawbacks outweigh the advantages by far. This is why we as a society need to control the influence of video games, particularly when children are concerned. We often forget that a young mind is very susceptible to its environment, and that is why we should do our utmost to protect it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard pressed
to name one invention that has made a greater impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. At this day and age, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up
being exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and
consequently
spent a large amount of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to ask whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have any detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and our society as a whole.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
happiness to a great portion of the population.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there exists a great variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
genres for kids and even adults of every age, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
surely
be able to find a game that interests them.
As a result
, they will derive pleasure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
their game of choice and lead happier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Even more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can at times
also
be a social activity, where gamers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with their friends to play their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game together.

However
, this at
first
innocent pleasure can
quickly
turn into an addiction. Seeing that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from depression and
are dissatisfied
with their life, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become engrossed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
they provide the player with a fake sense of achievement, making them forget about their responsibilities in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
real life
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. The game
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Word of Warcraft
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is
especially
known for this, exploiting vulnerabilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a quick buck.

Unfortunately, the disadvantages do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
there: A great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rely on violence in their storytelling, which
Possible spelling mistake. 'desensitises' is British English.
desensitises
the gamer towards violent acts such as physical force or even murder. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that adults are able to differentiate between the fantasy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and reality, nobody denies that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack this ability. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have implemented policies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, these measures are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up consuming and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
violent games.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
certainly
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
However
, it is my opinion that the drawbacks outweigh the advantages by far. This is why we as a society need to control the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
particularly
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are concerned
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forget that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
mind is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
susceptible to its environment, and
that is
why we should do our utmost to protect it.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 19

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
400 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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