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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.17

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 17
Nowadays, it is an important question whether we should let our young children play computer games or the games should be banned. While some people think it is fine for their children to play, others believe it is unacceptable. As far as I am concerned, the disadvantages of video games outweigh the advantages. First of all, the possible benefits of computer games should be mentioned. There is a wide range of games created for educational purposes, especially for the very young children. This allows kids to learn how to use modern computers as well as some new information from the educational game. Additionally, for youngsters, games can keep them from bad companies. They can simply sit home communicating with their friends and having fun instead. However, the number of drawbacks also takes place. Modern games are expensive and usually involve further purchases while the game is being played. Another aspect is the time children spend on computer games. Instead of education and learning, kids waste hours online even without breaks, thereby influencing the condition of their health. The most considerable disadvantage in video games is cruelty. Although there are age limits, parents still buy such games for their infants. As we know, there have been a few cases when children took guns and shoot innocent people on the street. The computer games have the negative effects on health and psychology as well. Young students who are addicted to games often perform poorly on academic studies. To sum up, although there are fun and educational games, the most of the modern video games are violent and cruel, and this may have dreadful consequences. Therefore, I believe there are more drawbacks than benefits.
Nowadays, it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
question whether we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be banned
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is fine for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play, others believe it is unacceptable. As far as I
am concerned
, the disadvantages of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
outweigh the advantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the possible benefits of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be mentioned
. There is a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
created for educational purposes,
especially
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
kids to learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
modern computers
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new information from the educational game.
Additionally
, for youngsters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. They can
simply
sit home communicating with their friends and having fun
instead
.

However
, the number of drawbacks
also
takes place. Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are expensive and
usually
involve
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
while the game is
being played
. Another aspect is the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Instead
of education and learning, kids waste hours online even without breaks, thereby influencing the condition of their health. The most considerable disadvantage in video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is cruelty. Although there are age limits, parents
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for their infants. As we know, there have been a few cases when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
took guns and shoot innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the street. The computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on health and psychology
as well
. Young students who
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
perform
poorly
on academic studies.

To sum up, although there are fun and educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the most of the modern video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are violent and cruel, and this may have dreadful consequences.
Therefore
, I believe there are more drawbacks than benefits.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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