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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.13

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 13
Playing games are considered an instrument of sound mental and physical health. The trend of indoor games such as video games is proliferating and gaining fame among all age groups – from adolescents to adults. However, the impact of this trend has come under scrutiny and has been a concern for many. The protagonists of such games cite that video games are effective educational tools, whereas dissenters void that claim by counting numerous demerits of such games. I too believe that video games are lethal trends and have negative repercussions. Some of the disadvantages will be outlined in following paragraphs. Firstly, while playing video games, players develop the sedentary position which is harmful to them ergonomically. Additionally, incessant exposure to game monitors could be detrimental to their vision. Other than physical impact, video games also impact emotional and social behaviour negatively, especially to children and adolescents. It can be noticed that the themes of a majority of the video games are prominently based on violent battle, massacre or destroying animal and mankind. Overindulgence to such games makes the young minds of children susceptible to emotional indifference. They could like to emulate the destroyers and warriors regarding them as role models. In contrast, enthusiasts enumerate some credits to the account of video games. They believe that playing such games helps to improve your command on the technical gadgets. It is observed that good players are cognizant of the know-hows of computers and can monitor the game efficiently. Being good at the video game is a demand for the new generation. Many children complain that are marginalised in the school if they are not up-to-date with the video games, which leads to embarrassment for them. To conclude, I would like to reiterate that video games have far more disastrous impacts that outweigh its positive sides. In order to control this destructive trend, parents, teachers, lawmakers and each individual will have to contribute to instigate awareness that video games should be controlled or terminated.
Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are considered
an instrument of sound mental and physical health. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is proliferating and gaining fame among all age groups
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
from adolescents to adults.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under scrutiny and has been a concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. The protagonists of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cite that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are effective educational tools, whereas dissenters void that claim by counting numerous demerits of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Consider using commas to set off 'too', if you want to emphasize an abrupt change of thought.
I too
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are lethal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
repercussions.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
disadvantages will
be outlined
in following paragraphs.

Firstly
, while playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, players develop the sedentary position which is harmful to them
ergonomically
.
Additionally
, incessant exposure to game monitors could be detrimental to their vision. Other than physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
emotional and social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
negatively
,
especially
to children and adolescents. It can
be noticed
that the themes of a majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
prominently
based on violent battle, massacre or destroying animal and mankind. Overindulgence to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the young minds of children susceptible to emotional indifference. They could like to emulate the destroyers and warriors regarding them as role models.

In contrast
, enthusiasts enumerate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
credits to the account of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They believe that playing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your command on the technical gadgets. It
is observed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
players are cognizant of the know-hows of computers and can monitor the game
efficiently
. Being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game is a demand for the new generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
children complain that are
Possible spelling mistake. 'marginalised' is British English.
marginalised
in the school if they are not up-to-date with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which leads to embarrassment for them.

To conclude
, I would like to reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have far more disastrous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
that outweigh its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides. In order to control this destructive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
, parents, teachers, lawmakers and each individual will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
contribute to instigate awareness that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be controlled
or terminated.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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