Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. v.2

Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. v. 2
People have argued about the function of video games. A group of people believe that these digital games are beneficial for mankind, but others think that they would be a distraction to human's mind. Although video games have some positive sides, I personally believe that they have more negative effects on our minds, and the following essay will discuss them in details. For a number of reasons, a lot of people believe that video games are entertaining and educative. It is believed that video games could help people in releasing their stress. Players could feel the excitement of being a heroic character or a professional athlete, without having the risk of being injured or hurt. And then, there are some video games which are considered as educative as well, as they are created to trigger people's imaginative thinking, such as Tetris or chess. Despite the positive side, people do not realise that the games have become a serious problem for individuals and societies. Firstly, many people got addicted to video games, and it has affected to their work or study performance. Many workers are losing their focus and productivities, and some students have poor performance on their studies due to spending a number of hours in playing video games. Secondly, some games have shown violence and sadistic scenes and affected to the gamers' mind. There have been several cases in America, whereas students have done violence acts to their classmates because they were influenced by the game. And lastly, video games have affected to residents' health condition as well. People who play video games have the tendency to consume light snacks and do less exercise. Consequently, they have a risk of getting obesity and diabetic problems. In conclusion, video games have its own positive and negative sides, but I do believe that video games have more drawbacks than its benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have argued about the function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are beneficial for mankind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they would be a distraction to human's mind. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on our minds, and the following essay will discuss them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

For a number of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are entertaining and educative. It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in releasing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Players could feel the excitement of being a heroic character or a professional athlete, without having the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being injured
or hurt. And then, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
are considered
as educative
as well
, as they
are created
to trigger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's imaginative thinking, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tetris
or chess.

Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become a serious problem for individuals and societies.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to their work or study performance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
workers are losing their focus and
Possible spelling mistake found.
productivities
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students have poor performance on their studies due to spending a number of hours in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have shown violence and sadistic scenes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to the gamers' mind. There have been several cases in America, whereas students have done violence acts to their classmates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
were influenced
by the game. And
lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to residents' health condition
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have the tendency to consume light snacks and do less exercise.
Consequently
, they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting obesity and diabetic problems.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have more drawbacks than its benefits.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts