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Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.1

Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 1
The industry of games is becoming more popular nowadays. Some people think that games are not dangerous while others believe games have a negative impact on the people. This essay will discuss why the advantages of playing games outweigh the drawbacks. Firstly, games are one of the forms of the entertainment and we cannot deny it. Playing computer games unite people and allows them to have a fun together regardless of their location or age. For example, I always play with my brother who is older than me, but we can cooperate together and get a fun from playing. Secondly, different forms of video games can be used in education. Children study and memorize more and better when they learn a new information through games. And not only children can study like this, but adults also perceive the information much better through the playing. The scientists have done the experiment where they have found out that children, who were learning with games, demonstrated better results than children who were not doing this. However, it is often thought that people who play games become more cruel. In my opinion, it is incorrect because there are many causes why people become callous. These people give an example of kills that have been made by teenagers who liked cruel computer games. But I believe that news just wants to find guilty persons and as a result, game industry suffers from that. To summarize, the fact that video games are useful in education and as a type of entertainment clearly outweighs the wanton prosecution that was made by news in order to make hype and find guilty in the terrible cases of violence. It requires
The industry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is becoming more popular nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
while others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will discuss why the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
outweigh the drawbacks.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are one of the forms of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
entertainment and
we cannot deny it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to have a fun together regardless of their location or age.
For example
, I always play with my brother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is older than me,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can cooperate together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a fun from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
study and memorize more and better when they learn
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'a' is probably wrong.
a new information
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. And not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can study like this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
adults
also
perceive the information much better through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
. The scientists have done the experiment where they have found out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were learning with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, demonstrated better results than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were not doing this.

However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
become more cruel. In my opinion, it is incorrect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become callous. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give an example of kills that have
been made
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
liked cruel computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe that news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wants to find guilty persons and
as a result
, game industry suffers from that.

To summarize
, the fact that video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are useful in education and as a type of entertainment
clearly
outweighs the wanton prosecution that
was made
by news in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
hype and find guilty in the terrible cases of violence. It
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
requires
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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