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Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel these leading to loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel these leading to loss of national identities. v. 2
Nowadays, the increasing connection between different nations has promoted the development of globalization. Some people state such progress will trigger some negative consequence like losing national belonging. However, others are holding completely opposite opinions. This essay will argue both of these opinions with several pieces of evidence and conclude my idea in the end. On the one hand, globalization played an important role in current society. To begin with, the growing global trade is beneficial to the public in financial. For instance, individuals have more opportunities to choose and buy more reliable and good-quality products at a reasonable price. Furthermore, the global village leads to a dramatic understanding of different people from various background. The most well-known example is Australia which as a multicultural nation people are treated friendly and fairly because they understand and respect each other though they may grow in a different culture. On the other hand, the development of globalization may result in some negative development like the lack of national identity. People who live in a multicultural environment may forget their own culture. That is because on many occasion they have to integrate into local culture in order to make friends and acquire a better employment opportunity. In other words, a sense of national belonging may suffer due to cultural convergence. Foreigners, especially the second-generation immigrant may feel confused because they speak the local language but with a completely different face to the locals. In conclusion, although the rising connection between nations through more and more international trade and cultural contact may result in a few issues, the benefit that people could obtain is far more than we can image. From my point of view, I strongly agree with the steadily increasing globalization is positive progress.
Nowadays, the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
nations has promoted the development of globalization.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state such progress will trigger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "like". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence like
losing national belonging.
However
, others are holding completely opposite opinions. This essay will argue both of these opinions with several pieces of evidence and conclude my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand, globalization played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the growing global trade is beneficial to the public in financial.
For instance
, individuals have more opportunities to choose and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more reliable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-quality products at a reasonable price.
Furthermore
, the global village leads to a dramatic understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various background. The most well-known example is Australia which as a multicultural nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are treated
friendly and
fairly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they understand and respect each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
though they may grow in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
culture.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the development of globalization may result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development like the lack of national identity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a multicultural environment may forget their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
on
Possible agreement error. The noun occasion seems to be countable; consider using: "many occasions".
many occasion
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
integrate into local culture in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and acquire a better employment opportunity. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, a sense of national belonging may suffer due to cultural convergence. Foreigners,
especially
the second-generation immigrant may feel confused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they speak the local language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with a completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
face to the locals.

In conclusion
, although the rising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
nations through more and more international trade and cultural contact may result in a few issues, the benefit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could obtain is far more than we can image. From my point of view, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
steadily
increasing globalization is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
progress.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel these leading to loss of national identities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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