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Some people refuse working women Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people refuse working women v. 2
These days, many women are working in many fields. While some people think that women working is unacceptable, I believe that it is useful in many ways. To begin with, many people usually refuse women work because they are worried about their child's care. Since 2000 or before that, men in our society have asked who want to take care of our children if our wives should be worked outside. Also, some developing societies have a religious beliefagainst the women working. For example, 34 percent of women in Saudi Arabia do not have a job because of these prevailing ideas. However, I strongly agree that there are a different benefits for women working. First, they will have a good experience to deal with a wide range of difficulties that face their children. Many studies claim that the educated women have the ability to open many conversations with their children and understand what they want. Next, in these days any family needs an enough money more than the past; accordingly, many women are working to cover the tuition fees for schools and universities for their children. Finally, women working could be a good method to improve the work environment among their special characters such as rationality. To conclude that, although many people against the women working, I argue that it is quite important for having a working women in our society.
These days,
many
women
are
working
in
many
fields. While
some
people
think
that
women
working
is unacceptable, I believe that it is useful in
many
ways.

To
begin
with,
many
people
usually
refuse
women
work
because
they
are worried
about their child's care. Since 2000 or
before
that,
men
in our society have asked who want to take care of our
children
if our wives should
be worked
outside.
Also
,
some
developing societies have a religious
beliefagainst
the
women
working
.
For example
, 34 percent of
women
in Saudi Arabia do not have a job
because
of these prevailing
ideas
.

However
, I
strongly
agree
that there are a
different
benefits
for
women
working
.
First
, they will have a
good
experience to deal with a wide range of difficulties that face their
children
.
Many
studies claim that the educated
women
have the ability to open
many
conversations with their
children
and understand what they want.
Next
, in these days any family needs an
enough
money more than the past;
accordingly
,
many
women
are
working
to cover the tuition fees for schools and universities for their
children
.
Finally
,
women
working
could be a
good
method to
improve
the work environment among their special characters such as rationality.

To conclude
that, although
many
people
against the
women
working
, I argue that it is quite
important
for having a
working
women
in our society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people refuse working women v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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