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Some people prefer to work in the same type of job throughout their lifetime while others like to change the type of job they do. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people prefer to work in the same type of job throughout their lifetime while others like to change the type of job they do. v. 2
Nowadays, employment duration has been a concern of the labor force. There are some people who love to work in the same field for the rest of their career life. However, the others think that changing occupation looks more appealing. In my point of view, eternal work in a certain company or syndicate obtains many benefits but switching to a new professional also has its own positive effects on career path. First of all, some people tend to do a permanent work during their lifetime for the following reason. Staying loyal to one occupation in their whole life presumably prove that they may be professionals of what they have been doing, especially the kinds of jobs which require specialised experience and patience such as doctor, archeologist and teacher. For instance, in a case of surgery doctor, the more years he/she is immersed in the profession, the more skilled and proficient he/she is. Accordingly, that doctor can have confidence in his/her patients. In general, it is reasonable for some individuals to remain in their current work in the long term. On the other hand, some of the mankind wants to gain more knowledge from different kind of streams and hence they explore the other jobs and excited in taking up new responsibilities. Moreover, experiences obtained through various occupation can help people recognize what is their passion. This is particularly beneficial to fresh graduates who are still unsure of what they would want in their career life. This is also a great opportunity to weigh career decisions in order to settle in a career they are sure to pursue. Although, at some point, jumping from one job to another cost time and unstable income. In a nutshell, it is transparent that career path must be chosen wisely. Thus, it is recommended that people should try some kinds of work relating to their majors at the university when they start their career path. After that, it is necessary to possess a stable job to secure yourself a prosperous life after gaining valuable knowledge from a wide range of professions.
Nowadays, employment duration has been a concern of the labor force. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the same field for the rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that changing occupation looks more appealing. In my point of view, eternal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or syndicate obtains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
switching to a new professional
also
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to do a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during their lifetime for the following reason. Staying loyal to one occupation in their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
presumably prove that they may be professionals of what they have been doing,
especially
the kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which require
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
experience and patience such as doctor, archeologist and teacher.
For instance
, in a case of surgery doctor, the more years he/she
is immersed
in the profession, the more skilled and proficient he/she is.
Accordingly
, that doctor can have confidence in his/her patients.
In general
, it is reasonable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals to remain in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the long term.

On the other hand
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
mankind wants to gain more knowledge from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of streams and
hence
they explore the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and excited in taking up new responsibilities.
Moreover
, experiences obtained through various occupation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recognize what is their passion. This is
particularly
beneficial to fresh graduates who are
still
unsure of what they would want in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This is
also
a great opportunity to weigh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
decisions in order to settle in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
they are sure to pursue. Although, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point, jumping from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to another cost time and unstable income.

In a nutshell, it is transparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be chosen
wisely
.
Thus
, it
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
relating to their majors at the university when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path. After that, it is necessary to possess a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to secure yourself a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
after gaining valuable knowledge from a wide range of professions.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people prefer to work in the same type of job throughout their lifetime while others like to change the type of job they do. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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