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Some people prefer to work the same type of job throughout their lifetime while others like to change the type of job they do. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people prefer to work the same type of job throughout their lifetime while others like to change the type of job they do. v. 1
Nowadays individuals often prefer to work for the same organization throughout their life. Whereas, few people opt to shift job from one company to the other one. However, I believe shifting the employment from one establishment to the other is more beneficial to us. In this essay I will discuss both sides of the discussion and provide reasons with appropriate examples. Firstly, routine work is always simple and effortless. Some masses tend to work routinely under the same organization because they are not willing to take any new initiatives which include significant effort to work. As a result, they are remaining in the organizations for several years. For instance, in a recent survey about the software companies in Hyderabad, there was more than 60 percent of the employee retention rate, which was a prominent ratio. However, there are some demerits to the employees in the lack of exposure in certain areas such as domain knowledge, technical and functional aspects. On the other hand, Shifting jobs too often is also considered as a demerit. Frequent changes in the employment lead to the lack of stability and sustainability. Moreover, it doesn't enhance our knowledge in terms of techno functional aspects. For an instance, my brother has shifted more than 5 companies within a span of 5 years. Therefore, his profile is not considered by few companies due to the lack of stability in the work. Therefore, in my opinion, humans should shift jobs, but not regularly. This will certainly enhance their knowledge and exposure to the world. Consequently, they will become more talented citizens.
Nowadays individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the same organization throughout their life.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt to shift job from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to the other one.
However
, I believe shifting the employment from one establishment to the other is more beneficial to us. In this essay I will discuss both sides of the discussion and provide reasons with appropriate examples.

Firstly
, routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is always simple and effortless.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
masses tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
routinely
under the same organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not willing to take any new initiatives which include significant effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
As a result
, they are remaining in the organizations for several years.
For instance
, in a recent survey about the software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in Hyderabad, there was more than 60 percent of the employee retention rate, which was a prominent ratio.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits to the employees in the lack of exposure in certain areas such as domain knowledge, technical and functional aspects.

On the other hand
, Shifting jobs too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
is
also
considered as a demerit. Frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the employment lead to the lack of stability and sustainability.
Moreover
, it doesn't enhance our knowledge in terms of techno functional aspects. For an instance, my brother has shifted more than 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
within a span of 5 years.
Therefore
, his profile is not considered by few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
due to the lack of stability in the work.

Therefore
, in my opinion, humans should shift jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
regularly
. This will
certainly
enhance their knowledge and exposure to the world.
Consequently
, they will become more talented citizens.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to work the same type of job throughout their lifetime while others like to change the type of job they do. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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