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Some people believe that watching television is bad for children. Other people believe that watching television is educational for children. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that watching television is bad for children. Other people believe that watching television is educational for children. v. 1
Many people think that watching television is harmful to children. But other people believe that watching television is educational for children. I strongly agreed with watching television is educational for children. Firstly, the reason is the children can watch television to learn new things. The children can watch the television to learn the pronunciation of English words in a song of kids and they can learn how to singing to improve their singing skills. The children also can watch television to learn about mathematics and so on. For example, some of the channels will make educational things like how doing mathematics, science, and so on, but some of the channels will play the shows that attract the children watch such as they will do the cartoon or some teaching classes like singing, dancing or handmade some interesting things and some of the children cannot go out so that they just can watch television to know more things. Secondly, the reason is the children can find the hobby and interest things through television. According to the internet, some of the children know the sport or something like handmade on television. Some of the children did not go out, so they also watch television to find their interest things. For example, the channels on television like singing shows, dancing shows and so on can help them to find their hobbies. In my opinion, I strongly agreed with watching television is educational for children. The reasons are the children can watch television to learn new things and the children can find the hobby and interest things through television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
for children.

Firstly
, the reason is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new things. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the pronunciation of English words in a song of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids and
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
singing
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
singing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about mathematics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
channels will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
things like how doing mathematics, science, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
channels will play the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
such as they will do the cartoon or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teaching classes like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
singing
, dancing or handmade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting things and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot go out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to know more things.

Secondly
, the reason is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the hobby and interest things through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. According to the internet,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know the sport or something like handmade on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
did not go out,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
their interest things.
For example
, the channels on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
singing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, dancing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
their hobbies.

In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The reasons are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new things and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the hobby and interest things through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people believe that watching television is bad for children. Other people believe that watching television is educational for children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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