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Some people prefer to work for themselves our own a business. Other prefer to work for an employer. Which one do you prefer? v. 1

Happiness is an important issue in our life. It is difficult to define it because I believe, it is a state of mind. That said, different people might behave differently in similar situations because of the way that they look the world which is related to their mind, and because of it we can't restrict the definition of the happiness to any words. I believe, Materiality and spirituality are two major factors that might be important in achieving happiness. Actually the combination of these two factors with each other can help us to be happy in our life. If we just focus on earning money to have everything we like, we will finally get tired without perceiving the taste of true happiness, because, I believe that, this is an endless way. That said, we try hard to buy something like a car, when we reach to our goal, we get happy for a short time, after a while we set another goal for ourselves and then we start to work hard again and similar to the previous situation, when we achieve our goal, it might make us happy temporarily, but this happiness does not last a lot and again we get back to the first step and this process continue without any ending, so I believe, it is better not to search for happiness in just materiality goals because of the nature of human diversity. Moreover, spirituality is the other factor that next to the materiality might play an important role in our lives for achieving happiness. I believe that, all specifications that is related to the beauty can define the spirituality and the beauty can be recognized by our mind, so we should help ourselves to have a healthy mind to see the little beauties as well as seeing almost all situations positively, which make us feel great and finally leads to happiness in our life. For example, yoga, trusting to the superior god and thanksgiving for all properties and materiality that we have in our life could help us to have a healthy mind. In conclusion, I think that, happiness is a feeling which cannot be defined generally, because it is differ from person to person, but by nurturing a healthy mind along with having enough property we can feel happy in our lives.

IELTS essay Some people prefer to work for themselves our own a business. Other prefer to work for an employer. Which one do you prefer? v.1

Happiness is an
important
issue in our life. It is difficult to define it
because
I believe, it is a state of mind. That said,
different
people
might behave
differently
in similar situations
because
of the way that they look the world which
is related
to their mind, and
because
of it we can't restrict the definition of the happiness to any words. I believe, Materiality and spirituality are two major factors that might be
important
in achieving happiness. Actually the combination of these two factors with each other can
help
us to be happy in our life. If we
just
focus on earning money to have everything we like, we will
finally
get
tired without perceiving the taste of true happiness,
because
, I believe that, this is an endless way. That said, we try
hard
to
buy
something like a car, when we reach to our goal, we
get
happy for a short time, after a while we set another goal for
ourselves and
then we
start
to work
hard
again and similar to the previous situation, when we achieve our goal, it might
make
us happy
temporarily
,
but
this happiness does not last a lot and again we
get
back to the
first
step and this process continue without any ending,
so
I believe, it is better not to search for happiness in
just
materiality goals
because
of the nature of human diversity.
Moreover
, spirituality is the other factor that
next
to the materiality might play an
important
role in our
lives
for achieving happiness. I believe that, all specifications that
is related
to the beauty can define the spirituality and the beauty can
be recognized
by our mind,
so
we should
help
ourselves to have a healthy mind to
see
the
little
beauties
as well
as seeing almost all situations
positively
, which
make
us feel great and
finally
leads to happiness in our life.
For example
, yoga, trusting to the superior god and thanksgiving for all properties and materiality that we have in our life could
help
us to have a healthy mind.
In conclusion
, I
think
that, happiness is a feeling which cannot
be defined
generally
,
because
it is
differ
from person to person,
but
by nurturing a healthy mind along with having
enough
property we can feel happy in our
lives
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
79Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
5 paragraphs
386 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Band score ≥ 7
  • Band score ≤ 6
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