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Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? v.2

A proportion of people, as a source of livelihood, choose to be a businessman. However, the other segment of people, opt out for doing a specific job for someone else. As far as I am concerned, job, due to less amount of risk involved, is more beneficial as compared to owning a business. To embark on, although it unequivocally true that the tycoons earn a huge amount of money, nonetheless, it can also not be denied that it all comes up with extreme challenges as well. Similarly, a self-employed person such as actor, musician or athlete does not have a stable income as it is dependent on their performance. Jobs, on the other hand, are much more safe and secure. For instance, doing a particular work, the worker is assured of getting a specific money after a week or a month, which, on the flip side, is not guaranteed in a business. Furthermore, jobs also provide the opportunity to work only for 5 days a week and then take rest on the weekends. This, unfortunately, is not quite possible in being your own boss because of the colossal work and responsibilities. Additionally, to setup a business, one has to invest millions of dollars and also incur losses in order to ultimately earn some profits. Some industries even become insolvent and has to eventually go for the dissolution. Moreover, being an employee, the accountability is limited to a specific department, office or branch. Nevertheless, an entrepreneur has to manage the whole company, which demands great attention and efforts leaving less or no time for themselves or own family, consequently leading to a distance from a person’s own family and children. In conclusion, becoming owner of a corporation is full of hustles, chances of failures, stress and overload. But a job ensures work only for limited hours, fixed remuneration and time for relaxation. Therefore, undoubtedly, I would become an employee rather than becoming a businessperson.
A proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, as a source of livelihood, choose to be a businessman.
However
, the other segment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, opt out for doing a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for someone else. As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, due to less amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
involved, is more beneficial as compared to owning a business.

To embark on, although it
unequivocally
true that the tycoons earn a huge amount of money, nonetheless, it can
also
not
be denied
that it all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up with extreme challenges
as well
.
Similarly
, a self-employed person such as actor, musician or athlete does not have a stable income as it is dependent on their performance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
,
on the other hand
, are much more safe and secure.
For instance
, doing a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the worker
is assured
of getting
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply “specific money”.
a specific money
after a week or a month, which, on the flip side, is not guaranteed in a business.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
also
provide the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for 5 days a week and then take rest on the weekends. This, unfortunately, is not quite possible in being your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
boss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the colossal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and responsibilities.
Additionally
, to
The verb ‘set up’ is spelled as two words. The noun ‘setup’ is spelled as one.
setup
a business, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
invest millions of dollars and
also
incur losses in order to
ultimately
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
profits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
industries even become insolvent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
eventually
go for the dissolution.

Moreover
, being an employee, the accountability
is limited
to a specific department, office or branch.
Nevertheless
, an entrepreneur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
manage the whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which demands great attention and efforts leaving less or no time for themselves or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family,
consequently
leading to a distance from a person’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family and children.

In conclusion
, becoming owner of a corporation is full of hustles, chances of failures,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and overload.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
ensures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for limited hours,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
remuneration and time for relaxation.
Therefore
,
undoubtedly
, I would become an employee
rather
than becoming a businessperson.
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IELTS essay Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? Use specific reasons to explain your choice.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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