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Some people think that it is necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures. Others say that books, films and the Internet can be used as a source of information about different cultures. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Some people think that it is necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures. Others say that books, films and the Internet can be used as a source of information about different cultures. v. 1
Many people opine that travel is not necessary Due to documentary and the internet that had enabled one discover the world from the homeland. Personally, I believe that travel through film or internet are nothing to physical travelling experience and that for the reason below; Firstly, Although, broadcast makes one learn about the cultural and social aspects of different countries. It gives limited information and physical presence. Emotion, feelings, sentiments and so could not be experienced, and I think that the best thing about travel is feeling the excitement and the enjoyment. Personally, I had seen a lot of broadcast about Tahiti, but, when I visited it, it is nothing compared to what I have seen or read about it; when I jumped the water off it was amazing and the water was blue and very transparent. Secondly, watching film is not very beneficial to develop the personality of a person. While, travelling is very advantageous because it helps acquire new qualities by talking to locals and learning about their thinking habits and tradition and history as well. For example, 88% of gap year graduates report that their gap year had consistently added to their personality. As one of travelling effect is leading a total behaviour transformation Finally, travelling is so important because it is Borden the mind and it is a better space where people could learn a lot of valuable lessons and experiences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that travel is not necessary Due to documentary and the internet that had enabled one discover the world from the homeland.
Personally
, I believe that travel through film or internet are nothing to physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
experience and that for the reason below;

Firstly
, Although, broadcast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one learn about the cultural and social aspects of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. It gives limited information and physical presence. Emotion, feelings, sentiments and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
could not
be experienced
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best thing about travel is feeling the excitement and the enjoyment.
Personally
, I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
broadcast about Tahiti,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, when I visited it, it is nothing compared to what I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
or read about it; when I jumped the water off it was amazing and the water was blue and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
transparent.

Secondly
, watching film is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial to develop the personality of a person. While,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
acquire new qualities by talking to locals and learning about their thinking habits and tradition and history
as well
.
For example
, 88% of gap year graduates report that their gap year had
consistently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to their personality. As one of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
effect is leading a total
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
transformation

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is Borden the mind and it is a better space where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valuable lessons and experiences.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people think that it is necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures. Others say that books, films and the Internet can be used as a source of information about different cultures. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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