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Some people prefer to stay in touch with their friends and family members while traveling. Others prefer not to get in touch and stay alone. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

Some people prefer to stay in touch with their friends and family members while traveling. Others prefer not to get in touch and stay alone. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
The adventurous spirit in the youth is on the rise, particularly amongst the Millenials who prefer to be self-employed rather than work with a company or organization. Many of them consider being under a boss repressive to their independent thinking and are of the opinion that self employment is the best option available. In this essay, I would be discussing the reasons for this change in trend and the disadvantages of the same. Firstly, as mentioned earlier, being self employed gives the space to pursue their own ideas and to grow their innovative spirit, because being under formal employment often restricts one's ideas to the ideology of the organization one works for. This is quite visible from the life of many great men who progressed their career only upon leaving their formal employment; for instance, Steve Jobs and Larry Page who are the founders of the biggest technological giants that exist today. They found their inventions unacceptable to their peers and noticed that they didn't get the attention they deserved. Despite these advantages, things are never simple and the journey is often draconian. Studies show that only 5 % of the startups are actually successful and the number could be further lower in emerging countries. Some of the reasons for this are the lack of experience amongst the youngsters who start these ventures particularly the fresh graduates. Additionally, they don't know how to manage their finances, which often leads to overspending and heavy debt burdens. However, these mishaps can be avoided with proper guidance and mentors from the respective industries. To conclude, being self-employed is liberating and gives one a self of achievement and motivation which is often reduced among the youngsters. They can pursue new ideas provided they ensure to equip themselves with the right advice and guidance. The contribution to the formal economy by these ventures are bound to increase in the coming years and will be a solution to the problem of job creation the governments currently face.
The adventurous spirit in the youth is on the rise,
particularly
amongst the
Millenials
who
prefer to be self-employed
rather
than work with a
company
or organization.
Many
of them consider being under a boss repressive to their independent thinking and are of the opinion that self employment is the best option available. In this essay, I would be discussing the reasons for this
change
in trend and the disadvantages of the same.

Firstly
, as mentioned earlier, being
self employed
gives the space to pursue their
own
ideas
and to grow their innovative spirit,
because
being under formal employment
often
restricts one's
ideas
to the ideology of the organization one works for. This is quite visible from the life of
many
great
men
who
progressed their career
only
upon leaving their formal employment;
for instance
, Steve Jobs and Larry Page
who
are the founders of the biggest technological giants that exist
today
. They found their inventions unacceptable to their peers and noticed that they didn't
get
the attention they deserved.

Despite these advantages, things are never simple and the journey is
often
draconian
. Studies
show
that
only
5 % of the startups are actually successful and the number could be
further
lower in emerging countries.
Some of the
reasons for this are the lack of experience amongst the youngsters
who
start
these ventures
particularly
the fresh graduates.
Additionally
, they don't know how to manage their finances, which
often
leads to overspending and heavy debt burdens.
However
, these mishaps can
be avoided
with proper guidance and mentors from the respective industries.

To conclude
, being self-employed is liberating and gives one a self of achievement and motivation which is
often
reduced
among
the youngsters. They can pursue new
ideas
provided they ensure to equip themselves with the right advice and guidance. The contribution to the formal economy by these ventures
are bound
to increase in the coming years and will be a solution to the problem of job creation the
governments
currently
face.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to stay in touch with their friends and family members while traveling. Others prefer not to get in touch and stay alone. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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