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Most people try to balance between work and other parts of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What are the reasons and how to solve it? v.1

The concern about attaining work-life balance is of utmost importance to not only individuals and their families but also governments. Despite various attempts, many people fail to resolve this conflict. Hereby, it is imperative to adopt radical governmental measures coped with individual efforts to handle this issue. The endeavor to achieve harmony in one’s life could be attributed to a host of rationales, one of which would stem from the difficulties when managing both work role and family duty spontaneously. Specifically, after an eight-hour-working period, people might be exhausted which leave them to have neither time nor physical and mental endurance for household tasks. The situation would be more deleterious for those who have parents or children to care for. It is not to mention that the stress from work could further deteriorate their psychological health, which in turn makes people have no choice but to neglect themselves as well as reduce their time for family interaction. Turning to possible solutions, the intervention of government to alleviate the adverse effects is absolutely in need. One promising method would be to increase employee incentives and benefits. For instance, companies should implement a flexible working schedule as well as reduce overtime, which allows their workers to work their hours around other commitments they have in life. Another approach is to promote a healthy lifestyle in which people are encouraged to exercise regularly. Thereby, a well-maintained person could contribute more to both work and family, leading to a more satisfied standard of life. In conclusion, the hardship of maintaining self-care and work-family balance has led to the struggle in life; therefore, this dilemma could be addressed by supportive schemes at the workplace as well as a healthier lifestyle.
The concern about attaining work-life balance is of utmost importance to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
individuals and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. Despite various attempts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail to resolve this conflict. Hereby, it is imperative to adopt radical governmental measures coped with individual efforts to handle this issue.

The endeavor to achieve harmony in one’s life could
be attributed
to a host of rationales, one of which would stem from the difficulties when managing both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
role and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
duty
spontaneously
.
Specifically
, after an eight-hour-working period,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
be exhausted
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them to have neither time nor physical and mental endurance for household tasks. The situation would be more deleterious for those who have parents or children to care for. It is not to mention that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
could
further
deteriorate their psychological health, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to neglect themselves
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
interaction.

Turning to possible solutions, the intervention of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to alleviate the adverse effects is
absolutely
in need. One promising method would be to increase employee incentives and benefits.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should implement a flexible working schedule
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
overtime, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
their workers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
their hours around other commitments they have in life. Another approach is to promote a healthy lifestyle in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are encouraged
to exercise
regularly
. Thereby, a well-maintained person could contribute more to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, leading to a more satisfied standard of life.

In conclusion
, the hardship of maintaining self-care and work-family balance has led to the struggle in life;
therefore
, this dilemma could
be addressed
by supportive schemes at the workplace
as well
as a healthier lifestyle.

IELTS essay Most people try to balance between work and other parts of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What are the reasons and how to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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