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Some people prefer to spend their time alone. Others like to be with friends most of the time. Which do you prefer? v.1

Some people prefer to spend their time alone. Others like to be with friends most of the time. Which do you prefer? v. 1
It has been always considered as a mooted issue whether to work or not when a person is continuing their studies at the college. As per my opinion to start a job with the studies would become helpful to individuals, their parents even also the society as this will create a responsible adolescent. The essay will discuss the merits of this development in the further paragraphs. To begin with, the foremost profitable point is that the younger one who involve themselves in the part time work would know the real-world market and increase their confidence. This type of involvement inculcates different skills such as how to represent their work to the senior person at the workplace. Moreover, this helps to build confidence and develop inter- personal skills which would be used in the later part of their life. For example, a person who starts to work in their early age understands their responsibilities, as a result, they planned their activity based on the time they have and always try to utilize it. Thus, this type of responsibilities makes a person self-dependent which is helpful for the families and the society. The other beneficial point is that by earning money after performing hard work. They would able to understand the value of money also expand their economic strength. Furthermore, the person can get appropriate experience by doing training which gives an enlightening of the skills required to get employment. For instance, most research conducted shows that who participated in the internship would have not only get money that helps to manage their finances, but also raise their opportunity to get job after completion of their degrees. Hence, this type of task makes an experienced adolescent who can easily achieve their future goals and serve the society and the nation as well. In conclusion, one can get benefits from getting knowledge of different skills and money. However, this will also deliver a human being having the education and experience able to sever the society and the nation also.
It
The adverb 'always' is usually put between 'has' and 'been'.
has been always
considered as a mooted issue whether to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or not when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is continuing their studies at the college. As per my opinion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a job with the studies would become helpful to individuals, their parents even
also
the society as this will create a responsible adolescent. The essay will discuss the merits of this development in the
further
paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the foremost profitable point is that the younger one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
involve themselves in the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
would know the real-world market and increase their confidence. This type of involvement inculcates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as how to represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
at the workplace.
Moreover
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to build confidence and develop inter- personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the later part of their life.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their early age understands their responsibilities,
as a result
, they planned their activity based on the time they have and always try to utilize it.
Thus
, this type of responsibilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
self-dependent which is helpful for the families and the society.

The other beneficial point is that by earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
after performing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They
Did you mean "would be able"?
would able
to understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
also
expand their economic strength.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
appropriate experience by doing training which gives an enlightening of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment.
For instance
, most research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participated in the internship would have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "got", "gotten".
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to manage their finances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
raise their opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job after completion of their degrees.
Hence
, this type of task
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an experienced adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
easily
achieve their future goals and serve the society and the nation
as well
.

In conclusion
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits from getting knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, this will
also
deliver a human being having the education and experience able to sever the society and the nation
also
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to spend their time alone. Others like to be with friends most of the time. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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