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Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoid any change. Others however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoid any change. Others however, think that change is always a good thing. v. 2
It is a well known fact that to do something new is a good thing. Some people believe to do same work in their whole life, whereas some think that changes is very important for everyone. I will discuss both the views and give my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, why some people do the same work in their whole life. First and foremost point is experience. In the modern era, mostly all the people have their own work, they totally concentrate on that work as compared to other task because they have so much experience regarding to that task, with this they can easily do that thing. Moreover, there are some other reasons such as promotion, success and increase in salary because if they can do only one job in their life they can also get high salary, promotion and some others things easily by doing hard work. On the other hand, there are some others people who always want to do new work in their life. Firstly, in these days, most of the youngsters want to do different kind of task because they can enhance their knowledge regarding to different things. Secondly, salary play very important role in every field because sometime the person can get 10000 rupees as a salary and they can find a high salary job, then they join new job. So that is why they can change the things in their life. To conclude, although both the views are beneficial for all individuals, yet I believe that the people can do the same work in their whole life.
It is a well known fact that to do something new is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe to do same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone. I will discuss both the views and give my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand, why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
First
and foremost point is experience. In the modern era,
mostly
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they
totally
concentrate on that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much experience
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
that task, with this they can
easily
do that thing.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons such as promotion, success and increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they can do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one job in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, promotion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others things
easily
by doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who always want to do new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Firstly
, in these days, most of the youngsters want to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can enhance their knowledge
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in every field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
sometime the person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
10000 rupees as a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
salary and
they can find a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
job, then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
new job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that is
why they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the things in their life.

To conclude
, although both the views are beneficial for all individuals,
yet
I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoid any change. Others however, think that change is always a good thing. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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