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Others believe that a women’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice v.2

Others believe that a women’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice v. 2
Ever since the Ancient period, women's rights have always been a fascinating subject and have received a significant number of feedbacks either positive or negative. It is not only a matter of gender inequality, but is also the human's right. However, there are some people who believe that Women should only spend all of their time on houseworks and so on. Likewise, in today essay, I'd like to examine the both sides of the issues and carry on the answer. First and foremost, one should not deny that women play a very essential role in our nowadays life. They Devoted in all kinds of fields from technology, food industry, teaching, health care, business administration and etc. According to a statistic made by the American Ministry of Finance and planning, there are about 70% of women are employed in their country, whereas the number of men who are occupied are just about as one third as the women's, which is surprisingly higher. In another word, this can be stated as how important does women effect of the whole country fair trade. Moreover, a research taken place in the UK has shown that about more than 65% of the women say that they can easily handle both their job and their family without any problems. But don't take that to the UK only, take the whole female residents for better illustration. We can see that there are thousands of thousands of women who are proven themselves frantically at work and are still maintaining her house and take good care of her kids. Consequently, it is clear that there is no need to limit their time for endeavour as long as they can handle it well. Yet there have been times when women struggle pitches in daily routine activities and are exhausted of the rush and busy daily life, but still the women have the ability to overcome these hassles and growing stronger day by day in happiness, pride & dignity. In concluding, I'm now convinced that women have the rights to work and live like any others men in this world. They have the power to rise and do what they want. They create motivation and innovations and helps make the world become more and more better.
Ever since the Ancient period, women's rights have always been a fascinating subject and have received a significant number of feedbacks either
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a matter of gender inequality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
the human's right.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that

Women should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spend all of their time on
Possible spelling mistake found.
houseworks
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Likewise
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
essay, I'd like to examine the both sides of the issues and carry on the answer.

First
and foremost, one should not deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential role in our nowadays life. They

Devoted in all kinds of fields from technology, food industry, teaching, health care, business administration
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. According to a statistic made by the American Ministry of Finance and planning, there are about 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are employed
in their country, whereas the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who
are occupied
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about as one third as the women's, which is
surprisingly
higher. In another word, this can
be stated
as how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
effect of the whole country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
trade.

Moreover
, a research taken place in the UK has shown that about more than 65% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
say that they can
easily
handle both their job and their family without any problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
don't take that to the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, take the whole female residents for better illustration. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there are
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "thousands of".
thousands of thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
are proven
themselves
frantically
at work and are
still
maintaining her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of her kids.
Consequently
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there is no need to limit their time for
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
as long as they can handle it well.
Yet
there have been times when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
struggle pitches in daily routine activities and
are exhausted
of the rush and busy daily life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have the ability to overcome these hassles and growing stronger day by day in happiness, pride & dignity.

In concluding, I'm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have the rights to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
like any others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in this world. They have the power to rise and do what they want. They create motivation and innovations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world become more and
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Others believe that a women’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
375 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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