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Nowadays children watch too much TV. Why is this happening, and what can be done to prevent it? v.2

Nowadays children watch too much TV. Why is this happening, and what can be done to prevent it? v. 2
Nowadays, many children spend at least 5 hours sitting in front of the TV daily, which is believed to damage children’s eyes. 70% of school children have to wear glasses and people usually blame the TV for that fact. In this essay, I would like to discuss the causes of this problem and how to prevent it. Children watch too much TV for three reasons. First, their parents are very busy. Many parents work very long hours, at least 10 hours a day so at the end of the day they are not only too busy but too tired to play with their kids. To entertain themselves, the children have to watch TV. Second, children’s games and activities such as playing Badminton and playing Lego require a lot of time and patience. But the busy parents are usually not patient enough to help their kids enjoy the games by playing with them. As a result, these children who are not interested in playing badminton and Lego have to turn to TV as a way of spending their free time. Third, many children are allowed to watch TV from an early age because their parents want to keep them sitting still. So they become addicted to the TV and do not want to play other games. To prevent children from watching too much TV, several things should be done. First, try to get rid of the TV. When the children cannot watch TV, they will probably have to think of other ways such as playing Lego if this is available, to entertain themselves. Second, parents should spend more time with their children. If I were the President, I would reduce the working time of parents by 2 hours, which must be spent on playing with their children. Third, introduce the children to new ways of entertaining, such as playing sports or drawing from an early age, which can be done with the help of the school. Schools should organize more activities for students to help them enjoy these activities so they do not need to watch TV in their free time. In conclusion, children watching too much TV had led to many consequences and it had been caused by three reasons. And I have also suggested some ways to prevent it. These can reduce the time spent watching TV of children.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend at least 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
sitting in front of the TV daily, which
is believed
to damage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
eyes. 70% of school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wear glasses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
blame the TV for that fact. In this essay, I would like to discuss the causes of this problem and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it.

Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
too much TV for three reasons.
First
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, at least 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
too busy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
too tired to play with their kids. To entertain themselves, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
games and activities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Badminton and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Lego
The singular proper name 'Lego' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "requires", "required".
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and patience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
usually
not patient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their kids enjoy the games by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with them.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are not interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
badminton and Lego
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
turn to TV as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of spending their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Third,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV from an early age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them sitting
still
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they become addicted to the TV and do not want to play other games.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from watching too much TV, several things should
be done
.
First
, try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the TV. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV, they will
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Lego if this is available, to entertain themselves. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If I were the President, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
by 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Third, introduce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of entertaining, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports or drawing from an early age, which can
be done
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the school. Schools should organize more activities for students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them enjoy these activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV in their free time.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching too much TV had led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consequences and it had
been caused
by three reasons. And I have
also
suggested
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it. These can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent watching TV of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children watch too much TV. Why is this happening, and what can be done to prevent it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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