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some people prefer to spend their free time outdoors. Other peoples prefer to spend their leisure time indoors. Would you prefer to be outside or to be inside for leisure activites? v.2

some people prefer to spend their free time outdoors. Other peoples prefer to spend their leisure time indoors. Would you prefer to be outside or to be inside for leisure activites? v. 2
It is common at the present time to see people getting updates on the latest news from the internet rather than the traditional method of reading a newspaper. I would argue that electronic sources of news will gradually replace that of the newspaper. Newspapers remain an important source of news for several reasons. The first of these is that the older generation still prefer to read their news this way, which is because they have traditionally bought a newspaper over the years and so do not wish to change or simply do not know how to do so online in some cases. In addition to this a newspaper also comes with other supplements, such as magazines and television guides, and sources of entertainment, such as crosswords. This makes it more attractive for some than going online. However, though newspapers may not disappear completely, the Internet is likely to become the more dominant source of news over time. This is primarily because younger people tend to read the news online and prefer not to pay for it, so those reading newspapers, the older generations, will gradually decline. This links in with the second reason, which is that as media companies start to see a drop income from newspapers, printing them will become unprofitable and they will be forced to find ways to make money from news online. In conclusion, although newspapers remain popular today, they will gradually be replaced by the desire to read the news through electronic sources. This may be a sad loss given their history, but unfortunately it is an unavoidable development.
It is common at the present time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting updates on the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from the internet
rather
than the traditional method of reading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
. I would argue that electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
will
gradually
replace that of the newspaper.

Newspapers remain an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
for several reasons. The
first
of these is that the older generation
still
prefer to read their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
this way, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
traditionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
over the years and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do not wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or
simply
do not know how to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
online in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.
In addition
to this a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with other supplements, such as magazines and television guides, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of entertainment, such as crosswords. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more attractive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
than going online.

However
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
may not disappear completely, the Internet is likely to become the more dominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
over time. This is
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
online and prefer not to pay for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
those reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
, the older generations, will
gradually
decline. This links in with the second reason, which is that as media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a drop income from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
, printing them will become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unprofitable and
they will
be forced
to find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
online.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
remain popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, they will
gradually
be replaced
by the desire to read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
through electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
. This may be a sad loss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their history,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately it is an unavoidable development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people prefer to spend their free time outdoors. Other peoples prefer to spend their leisure time indoors. Would you prefer to be outside or to be inside for leisure activites? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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