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some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which you prefer and why. v.3

some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which you prefer and why. v. 3
Sports are very important part of our life. It is really essential to practice sport to be involve in games so some players prefer to play team sports and others prefer to paly individual sports. I think each one has advantages. First of all, playing within a team is more enjoyable and the players can work together to win. Through working together, they will have a chance to win and they will motivate to finish a game with a good result. For example, my brother is playing football in our international team and he told me that it is exciting to work with the team. In fact, last month, they won and they went out to celebrate. He said that they have a good family relationship and this supports them in any game. They watching movies, eating out, and spending a good time together, as a result they motivate to play a game with a good psychological condition. As we can clearly see, team sports benefits the members significantly and it has positive things. On the other hand, the advantage of individual sports is to show player' s talent and to be responsible. In my opinion, individual sport has many positive things to the player and it reflects his work. For instance, three weeks ago, I watched golf game, and a player worked diligently then he won becuase his work and his talent. I was impressed about his playing since he was very smart and this indicates that he worked hard. I definitely was astonished about his playing and his personality. Actually, he got an award and it is just for him and he got a lot of money because he worked a lot that helped him to be a responsible person. His parents were very happy because he is a successful person and they were proud of him. Besides, playing individualy makes him more independent since he endorses his family. This player taught me what is the difference between team sports and individuals sports. By the way of conclusion, based on the argument explored above, I think each view has benefit and we have to appreciate all sports and all players. I think all sports are specious and worthwhile. we have to consider these sports as our success.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our life. It is
really
essential to practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "involved".
involve
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
prefer to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
prefer to
Possible spelling mistake found.
paly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each one has advantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is more enjoyable and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together to win. Through working together, they will have a chance to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
win and
they will motivate to finish a game with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
result.
For example
, my brother is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
football in our international
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
team and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that it is exciting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. In fact, last month, they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
won and
they went out to celebrate. He said that they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
family relationship and this supports them in any game.
Did you mean "They're watching", "They are watching", or "They were watching"?
They watching
movies, eating out, and spending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
time together,
as a result
they motivate to play a game with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
psychological condition. As we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
benefits the members
significantly
and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things.

On the other hand
, the advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Possible spelling mistake found.
player&
#039; s talent and to be responsible. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
and it reflects his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, three weeks ago, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
golf game, and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
worked
diligently
then he won
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuase
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and his talent. I
was impressed
about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
since he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart and this indicates that he worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. I definitely
was astonished
about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and his personality. Actually, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
an award and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
him and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he worked a lot that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to be a responsible person. His parents were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is a successful
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
they were proud of him.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
individualy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him more independent since he endorses his family. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
taught me what is the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
sports.

By the way of conclusion, based on the argument explored above, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each view has
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
benefit and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
appreciate all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are specious and worthwhile.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as our success.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which you prefer and why. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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