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some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which you prefer and why. v.1

some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which you prefer and why. v. 1
Environmental issues have become an increasing concern among individuals and governments in the modern world. While it may be seen that the role of government and large companies cannot be over-emphasized in achieving environmental protection, this essay will show how a concerted effort can accomplish this with individuals. To begin, governments and corporations take responsibility for protecting the environment. Governments could enact laws to reduce many environmental problems, while large companies are capable of investing large amounts of money in sustainable development goals. However, all the policies and campaigns will show no effect without the active cooperation of residents. In Vietnam, although the government tries to raise the public’s awareness of environmental issues and even imposes hefty fines on those who violate environmental laws, many beaches and the surrounding ecosystems have been severely polluted by the sheer number of visitors. Therefore, I believe that there needs to be more action taken from individuals in such situations. Furthermore, all the combined actions of all people will have a profound impact on the bigger picture. Researchers found that an individual will reduce greenhouse gas emissions by around 1500 pounds per year if he leaves his car at home two days a week. Another prime example is in waste management processes. While residents can spend just a few minutes separating their biodegradable and non-biodegradable waste, it takes days for waste recycling plants to achieve the same task. In conclusion, I disagree with the opinion that governments and large enterprises can only reduce environmental issues because individuals also need to make a significant contribution to the process of keeping the planet clean. In other words, this matter can only be dealt with by simultaneous participation of governments, companies and residents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Environmental
issues have become an increasing concern among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in the modern world. While it may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
cannot be over-emphasized in achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
protection, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how a concerted effort can accomplish this with individuals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and corporations take responsibility for protecting the environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
could enact laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problems, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are capable of investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
amounts of money in sustainable development goals.
However
, all the policies and campaigns will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
no effect without the active cooperation of residents. In Vietnam, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
tries to raise the public’s awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues and even imposes hefty fines on those who violate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
laws,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beaches and the surrounding ecosystems have been
severely
polluted by the sheer number of visitors.
Therefore
, I believe that there needs to be more action taken from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in such situations.

Furthermore
, all the combined actions of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have a profound impact on the bigger picture. Researchers found that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
greenhouse gas emissions by around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
1500 pounds
per year if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
his car at home two days a week. Another prime example is in waste management processes. While residents can spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few minutes separating their biodegradable and non-biodegradable waste, it takes days for waste recycling plants to achieve the same task.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
enterprises can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
also
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution to the process of keeping the planet clean.
In other words
, this matter can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be dealt
with by simultaneous participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and residents.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which you prefer and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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