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23. Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages v.2

23. Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages v. 2
Universities have an important part of our education. In order to learn more and in a good manner, we should attend a university to complete our education, so we often have a choice of places to live. Some students may choose to live in university dormitories. Other students would prefer to live in apartments in the community. There are many advantages to live in dormitories. Personally, I would prefer to live in an apartment and there are many benefits to live in a community for several reasons. First, the advantages of living in an apartments are many such as freedom in your choices, be a responsible and an independent person, I can live in a quiet place and in an organize one. Most of students live in an apartment have the opportunity to be a successful human in his future. Take myself as an example, when I was in pharmacy school, I lived in an apartment and it was in a nice area which helped me to study in a good atmoshpere. Although, I paid a lot of money to live in such as rent, expenses, food, and even water, but I succeed in my study since I had time in an amazing place to focus and concentrate in my study. In contrast, my friend lived in dormitories and he told me that he had a partner who was messy. Actually, my friend had a problem to study because he didn' t feel comfortable so this impacted his performance in the university. This experience taught me that students should live in an apartment. On the other hand, there are advantages of living in dormitories. Some students, I' m sure, believe that living in dormitories is easier and convenient for them because they have a chance to save money, less chores, no expenses and contact with other students. For instance, when my sister was in medical school, she was motivated to live in a dormitory and she was happy about that but I disagreed with her and I asked her what is the reason that encourage her to live there. Without any hesitation, she explained to me the benefits of living in campus. As I know my sister wasn' t a responsible person so she couldn' t do anything by herself, so she said that she can spend time withe her friends, she can walk to her school. Also, she made a lot of friends. As we can clearly see, my sister' s experience, living on campus has positive effects. By the way of conclusion, based on the argument explored above, I firmly concur that living in an a dormitory has benefits and, however, living in an apartment has advantages also, but I would like to live an apartment. I think living wherever we live, we have to develop our personality and improve our education to progress our world since it is worthwhile.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our education. In order to learn more and in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner, we should attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to complete our education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a choice of places to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitories
. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
in the community. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitories
.
Personally
, I would prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a community for several reasons.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such as freedom in your choices, be a responsible and an independent person, I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a quiet place and in
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'organize' is correct. If 'organize' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an organize
one. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
have the opportunity to be a successful human in his future. Take myself as an example, when I was in pharmacy school, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
and it was in a nice area which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
atmoshpere
. Although, I paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in such as rent, expenses, food, and even water,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I succeed in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
since I had time in an amazing place to focus and concentrate in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
In contrast
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dormitories and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that he had a partner who was messy. Actually, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
had a problem to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t feel comfortable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this impacted his performance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. This experience taught me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an apartment.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitories
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m sure, believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitories
is easier and convenient for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a chance to save money,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chores is countable.
less
chores, no expenses and contact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
, when my sister was in medical school, she
was motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dormitory and
she was happy about that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagreed with her and I asked her what is the reason that encourage her to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
there. Without any hesitation, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
to me the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in campus. As I know my sister
Possible spelling mistake found.
wasn&
#039; t a responsible person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t do anything by herself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she said that she can spend time withe her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, she can walk to her school.
Also
, she made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. As we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, my
Possible spelling mistake found.
sister&
#039; s experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on campus has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

By the way of conclusion, based on the argument explored above, I
firmly
concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "an" or "a" is left.
an a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
has benefits and,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
wherever we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
develop our personality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our education to progress our world since it is worthwhile.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay 23. Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
482 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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